The man, the Pop Culture icon, the legend; Kevin Smith is our subject of the day! He cut his teeth on a $27,000 indie movie and has progressed into a titan of Pop Culture. With many directorial efforts under his belt of a surprisingly wide range of genres, and a wider range in quality, we try to determine the best and worst with our patented made up awards. With surprising star power and solid writing, Kevin Smith has built a universe of his own with some amazing characters like Jay and Silent Bob. But out of all of his movies, it’s hard to say what the best Ben Affleck appearance is, or the best scheme or reference and that’s where we come in! Grab some Mooby’s and get your snoochie boochie on, cuz it’s Kevin Smith Movie Superlatives time! After our awards, we try to answer the hardest questions of all: Is he a good director, or not?
Full episode transcript available below
Hold on to a podcast about something where each week we dive deep into whatever it is we find interesting. I’m your host, Calvin and joining me from the quickstop in New Jersey to co host Nick Richardson.
Hell yeah. It I mean, don’t you mean your heterosexual life mate? podcast mate?
My heterosexual podcast life, mate? Yeah, we’ll go Yeah,
that’s fair. It’s a pleasure, by the way. Yeah, it’s, it’s
great. We’re giving out movie superlatives to the one and only Kevin Smith this week. And I’m, I’m pretty excited about this. I watched a lot of Kevin Smith movies. I feel like I, you know, I’m ready to pack up and move to New Jersey. All of a sudden,
Hell no, nope, no. This is gonna get me to New Jersey. But that’s very true.
So we’re going out our patented movies pro lives today. That means we give out one or we give out some made up awards to different movies from a specific sub genre this week, Kevin Smith movies. And we give out one word, word per movie, and one movie per ward. And it’s, we’ve got 10 Awards. Well, we’re only five what we give the best and worst version of both every award. So we have five awards to give out best and worst. All the awards. I summed that up super well this time deny.
I think he did that. Great.
So we pick Kevin Smith movies, and Kevin Smith movie is anything directed by Kevin Smith, any any full length feature film directed by Kevin Smith, just to kind of narrow that down and go into this. I thought Daredevil was directed by Kevin Smith for some reason, and it’s not and I’m really upset about that.
Who did direct that?
I don’t know. But there’s a director’s cut. And it’s way better than the actual movie that was put out. And so it was like this running joke, or not a running joke, but it was a joke. In entourage, when Vinnie chase did aka man, and they’re trying to get him back for ockman, too. And they’re going through all this stuff. And, you know, they said that Kevin Smith was directing it, and they’re like, Oh, that’s a joke. They’re rushing this thing out. And I was like, Oh, and I always just connected that with how bad Daredevil was. I was like, well, that must have been done by Kevin Smith. And it’s not the director of Daredevil is Mark Steven Johnson.
Unknown Speaker 2:34
I hope that son of a bitch never heard a
Unknown Speaker 2:36
Yeah, river river, shout out that guy. You fucker. Awful.
This kind of came up. We were just randomly talking about Kevin Smith one time when we’re doing different movies, superlatives, and we’re like, we need to do Kevin Smith movies. And I think it’s a great idea. He’s incredibly interesting writer and director there. He does a lot of good and different things. And I think you should be appreciated for it.
He really is a genuine, genuine cat. I enjoy Kevin Smith for a whole lot of reasons. And not even exclusively his movies and stuff like that. Like he’s just a pretty solid, solid dude.
Yeah, absolutely. And we’re gonna talk at the end of this about who Kevin Smith is and what he means to pop culture and the nerd world because he is very important to that side of things. I just, I think he has a way of telling these normal everyday stories with characters kind of speaking in ways that normal people don’t usually speak with, you know, kind of these long swill soliloquy is about nothing, but they make perfect sense in the context of the movie. And then it also somehow feels incredibly real. Even though you’ve got Jason Lee, they’re just rambling for like two and a half minutes straight. But you’re like, No, you know, I know a guy who gets stoned and fucking talks about Superman like that.
You can relate to it really easily, but I’m gonna I’m gonna talk about the length of some of those a little later.
Yeah, I also think he’s written and directed a lot of movies and array of different styles, which is really cool like going in. It’s gonna be Jay and Silent Bob over and over again. And I’ve seen I had seen all the movies featuring Jay and Silent Bob up to that point, but I hadn’t seen a lot of his other things. So now I watched some of these other movies like jersey girl. red state is one Tusk Yoga has like all these different things that he does that kind of kind of play along to it but aren’t necessarily in that universe. And and I feel like when you watch someone like Christopher Nolan, like you watch a Christopher Nolan movie, you know what you’re getting, you’re getting this mind bending think piece, right? Kevin Smith, it’s it’s not always that easy. And going through these 13 feature length movies that he had. I felt that going through even the ones featuring Jay and Silent Bob can vary drastically between like, what clerks is to what dog mine is to what Chasing Amy is you know, like, oh, Yeah, those things are completely different stories even though Jane’s out Bob show up. Well,
I mean, occasionally there’s the same people playing different characters and it’s, it’s definitely
finds his muses and sticks with them.
I’m just still amazed that this dude can direct, literally anybody. I mean, he has so many, just really high profile actors coming through his movies.
I think there’s also just like a friendly dude. You know, like, it’s easy to just be like, Hey, man, come in one of my movies.
Let me He’s like, hey, Ben, bro. Come be in this, you know, movie for like, no money whatsoever. And you might get a lot of shit for it. But
I think he I think he has helped Ben Affleck tremendously, because So Ben Affleck was in Dazed and Confused before mallrats Hmm. But I don’t think he did much else before that. Maybe school ties was Yeah, I don’t I don’t know the exact chronology of it, but just kind of throwing Ben Affleck into these movies and letting him do different things. I think got Ben Affleck very far.
Oh, it helped him because he was the actor. Yeah,
he let Ben Affleck kind of play in the sandbox that he created between mall rats and Chasing Amy in Jersey girl like I think he really helped him there.
Oh, definitely dude his you can see his progression and like his acting skills especially even when he get to Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Oh, absolutely. from getting to then it’s ridiculous. Or
Yeah, da da. So I’ve got a I’ve got a bit of dogma that I’ll get to when we get to let’s not go too deep on Ben Affleck because that’s one of the awards we’re giving out. So we’ll talk more on Aflac then. And I just I think so most of Kevin Smith movies they’re they’re mostly comedic but a lot of them feel deeper and simpler at the same time. It he has this weird balance of like something like clerks, which is so simplistic, but it feels kind of like there’s a depth to it that you don’t understand going into it always. And that’s really nice.
Oh, yeah. There’s Yeah, I mean, I couldn’t really say much better there’s a dramatic amount of he chooses his words carefully like his scripts are for the most part well written like the dialogue might be clunky, but I don’t think I was clunky at all. I
a lot of times he has some clunky as dialogue just be I think it’s more delivery, then. Yeah. Then anything else when I when I think about it, but his writings usually always good. They’re just it’s coherent. Yeah,
absolutely. And I never felt like well watching 13 of these movies in a row. I never felt fatigued by what he was doing. I feel like if I watched I don’t know, Christopher Nolan has 11 or 12 movies. I’ve watched all those Christopher Nolan movies in a row. First of all, I have a headache. No, like I there’s no way and I love the I love all the Christopher Nolan movies like I’m there. for him. Christopher Nolan puts out a movie on there. I was super pumped about Tennant. He mostly lived up. I just I don’t think I could watch them all within a month span of time and come out the other end of it. Knowing like if a world is even real. But Kevin Smith, like Kevin Smith didn’t put me into that fatigue at all. And usually if you single out a director like that, I feel like you could very easily get that fatigue.
Definitely well, and his is just really digestible. Because it’s you know, it’s story driven. It’s not ever visual driven. It’s not ever, you know, right. Always in there, but that’s about it.
It’s usually like about some absolutely mundane shit, but it’s this weird fresh take on it. And it comes out really cool as fuck. Yeah. The other great thing about these is they’re relatively short, which is not Yes,
So the longest one was dog my two hours in two minutes.
It did not feel like two hours in two minutes.
No dog was moving so fast. There’s so many things going on that night. It does not. It doesn’t feel like anything. And that dog was interesting. For sure. We’ll get in. So before we get into it, let’s discuss Do you believe? Well, it’s not even deeply because I studied it as I went through so I’ll just talk about it. The the prompt was is there an all encompassing all encompassing Kevin Smith’s diverse theory, kind of like the Pixar Theory where all these movies fit together? And I think mostly there is there are some one offs that don’t fit in cop out and redstate don’t fit into anything else but clerks mallrats chasing me dog my Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back jersey girl ish clerks to and Jay and Silent Bob reboot all fit together in the wider askew reverse as they call it, because his production company is called view askew skew deductions. So in clerks, we get the jumping off point mall rats, we come in Jay and Silent Bob, reference back to clerks that they got kicked out from you know, hanging out in front of the quick stop. So now Hanging out the mall come back into Chasing Amy. The reference Alyssa says her best friend fucked a dead guy in the bathroom and quick stop which is what happened in clerks. So right back there and Ben Affleck’s character set as Jay and Silent Bob if they’re at the mall again which is referencing back to mall rats in dogma movies the what is a fast food chain is introduced and Jay tells the story of them trying to destroy the stage and mall rats are still connected there Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. This one referred like they just these heavy handed references back to every other movie that existed at this point. They’re they’re clearly in on the joke and completely taking out all the meta text around it. They’re just like, yeah, we are mall rats that fuck with Clarice and chased Amy with some angels
who was played by my buddy Holden McNeil?
Yeah, so they start right in front of the convenience store from clerks. With Dante and Randall still working there, Jay and Silent Bob refer to God herself at some point, which is from dogma. Brody from all rats is now running a comic book store bluntman and chronic comics from Chasing Amy are now being made into a movie. And Ben Affleck is back is Holden McNeil and Jason Lee is both Brody and bankey movies is back again. And at the end of it, God Alana’s more set actually closes the book on the USC universe at the end. But clearly, it wasn’t the end because it was more. This is the end. And I didn’t
always be more
than Jay and Silent Bob is probably it has one of my favorite moments that it didn’t fit name or categories. I don’t know where to put it. So I’m just going to tack it on here. I believe it’s one of Jason Lee’s characters says the Internet has given everyone in America a voice and evidently everyone in America has chosen to use that voice to pitch about movies, and 20 years later, still the true statement in any of these Kevin Smith movies, or maybe any movie ever like that. I mean, literally, that’s what we’re still doing here today. And there are 1000 different podcasts doing the exact same thing.
yet. There’s a whole lot of tension going on about movies. Yeah, a lot of parties too. So there’s that too.
It was it was just a funny line that stuck out. So jersey girl is an interesting one because it doesn’t seem to be connected. But one of the nuns from dogma works at Ben Affleck’s daughter’s school, which is a Catholic school. She’s a nun at this school now, so you have to think that’s the same nut, maybe.
Unknown Speaker 12:34
movie and clerks too. We got the return to movies and it’s a direct sequel to clerks and Jay and Silent Bob reboot. Again this is a sequel to Jane Silent Bob Strike Back and clerks to bring everybody back and make very thinly veiled references again to all the oldest universe movies and movies is there again.
Movies, so I go ahead. Movies is mentioned quite an awful lot.
Movies great. Like I like that running joke. that’s a that’s a really funny running joke because it starts with Matt Damon just wanting to destroy the whole movies franchise because like, I don’t know, there’s some fast food conglomerate that sucks.
Well, I love the movie scenes in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
Yeah, those are good two courts to takes place all at movies. And that’s a funny use of it as well. I think
it’s a good dynamic.
Yeah. And it looks like now Smith has moved on to a new connected universe starting with Tusk and carrying over into Yoga hosers and he has at least one more installment plan called Moose Jaw. Which I’m excited for that whenever that comes out. And from what I can gather about Tuscan Yoga hosers It seems like Kevin Smith just kind of came up with them by bullshitting around on one of his several podcasts got like nine podcasts. And I just think it would be super cool to have that kind of power and ability. Like I think you and I we’ve come up with some great like movie and sequel idea like all these kind of half baked ideas about movies or TV shows. And we have no way to do anything about them.
Like your million Kevin.
Kevin Smith is just like, Oh, I thought of this funny thing. Yep. It’s a movie now. And that’s exactly what Tusk was. And then that spawned Yoga hosers also,
I don’t know how funny Tusk was.
Tell us was not funny, but like the idea came from it just bullshitting with on the smodcast him and his co host just bullshitting around making jokes about like this guy that got turned into walls and blah, blah, blah. But they definitely played it in a different way than what they started as on the podcast.
I mean, you would have to
Yeah, and then cop out and redstate don’t fit into either Extended Universe. So fuck those movies.
Unknown Speaker 14:52
They’re, they’re, by far the worst of his movies, too.
That’s saying so And I feel
like cop out. He must not have written that one right. I gotta look this up because that right that that seems Oh Mary on Kevin Smith.
That’s the only one he hasn’t written.
Yeah redstate doesn’t feel very Kevin Smith either but after reading some of like the IMDb trivia on it I, I can like, see where his personality fits into some of these places, but hop out what is just bad and that definitely looks like he’s tied on to a studio for something and he, like they’re just gonna make him direct something and that’s what he did. Or maybe it was battling cancer or whatever. And he needed some money. Yeah, who knows? So, yeah, so we don’t like cop out. So now let’s move into the awards. Today we’re giving out the best and worst Jay and Silent Bob seen the best and worse Ben Affleck appearance. The best and worst quest I like this one. We usually we’ve done it some other times. But the quests in Kevin Smith movies are usually pretty simple. But then very complicated. Yeah, they get very complicated within it’s like, okay, we’re just working at our store for the day. But that becomes something so much greater right? Or anything Jane Silent Bob do best and worse monologue or rant by a character. And that’s, you know, something we talked about earlier is he has that way of writing where they go on these long soliloquy. And that was like the first thing that popped in my head when I think Kevin Smith have these, these scenes that are very dialogue heavy, that the dialogue doesn’t actually seem to go anywhere. Like they’re just bullshitting about nothing, on and on and on and on. And that’s why he’s a good podcaster I
guess. Well, in at times he hits the nail on the head, it is deeply profound.
Oh, yeah. Somewhere in those three minute monologues, there’s something profound every time, right, but he just takes three minutes to make his 15 second point. And I love it like I those scenes are really great. And the people, the people who deliver them are really great at doing them. It’s usually Aflac or Jason Lee, or even whichever London twin is in mallrats does a good job of them. And then the last award is the best or worse, best and worse nerd reference, which again, he’s the king of the Nerds for reason. So we got to get that in their book. Yes. All right. So let’s get into it. Right off the bat. Best Jay and Silent Bob seen Kevin Smith would be nothing without Jay and Silent Bob, I gave mine two clerks to this was a very contentious category for me. Yes, there was a lot going into it. I had a scene from pretty much every movie that Jay and Silent Bob featuring but I needed to use those movies and other awards. So I went with clerks to when Jay wonders what he could have done with his life. And he goes on this long rant about being all kinds of great professions and he lands on astronaut which naturally leads him to believe he would have been the first motherfucker to find an alien and fuck it.
On some wild as shit, man, he really fucking What?
Well, someone while watching clerks to I came to this conclusion that Jane Silent Bob and mostly Jay, they live in this weird space where they’re incredibly annoying and OneNote characters. But also it’s somehow it works every single time they’re on screen, like some Jason and guns are over the top, a little bit over the top. And they don’t always make sense. But he usually brings it back around, you know?
Unknown Speaker 18:24
I mean, for the most part, yeah, most part,
there’s somewhere he’s way out on a ledge and there’s no bringing it back. And I thought, you know, watching through these, this is the point where I would get annoyed, I would get annoyed with Jay and Silent Bob doing the same thing over and over. And, you know, it never happened. And in the movies that I watched that they weren’t in, I kind of kept waiting for them to just randomly show up because they always kind of provide a nice break to whatever’s going on. And so it was this interesting dynamic, where it’s like, they’re obviously the most annoying thing about these movies. But also you can’t get enough of them weirdly.
They’re so genuine. Like, it’s it’s weird, but yeah, that’s that’s every stoner
guy out there selling pot by a community store like Jay is literally that guy.
He’s so, so good. And in silent. Bob’s character is there the perfect dynamic, I think is really what they’re their own entity when they come into a movie. And it really it changes the narrative in the sense that’s how people react off them because they’re just so fucking wacky and they’re always into some weird shit got audace stories and then you got sound Bob just sitting there smoking and nodding his head once at once a movie he’ll say something incredibly profound on
one of those long Kevin Smith s grants.
Right and he’s a fantastic order. So it’s, it’s awesome hearing him actually speak. But I remember the first time I heard about these characters, and I started watching these when I was a teenager. And it’s like, what the fuck? Why would anyone give a shit about a dude who hardly says anything and then you learn
Yeah. Oh, you you, you don’t learn today.
Don’t learn today.
Unknown Speaker 20:04
Get some help. So what is your best
Jay and Silent Bob?
Okay, I’m a piece of shit. I’m going to say this right now. I cheated. Okay, I did it. I chose one movie for two picks, because I couldn’t resist when it came down to it. Okay, this is the first of two. And that’s the J rap. from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Yeah,
that was that was high on my list.
That whole scene is hilarious. It still is hilarious. And it just makes so if you ask like how the fuck did these two people end up like that? That is a perfect example is just like and that makes sense. You get left outside of the convenience store. They just grew up there. You know what I’m saying?
Somebody says Fuck, and he just goes off on it. Fuck
Fuck, mother motherfucker. I used to know that whole it’s not a hard
no that that whole I’m gonna start to finish he’s pretty pretty solid man. Oh, yeah, well, in fact, he’s smoking but who smokes and it’s got the whole you know 15 bucks little man put that shit in my head. It’s iconic. And at the same time if you’ve ever stopped to like rewatch this scene a couple times like I did for this you really notice that Kevin Smith has a fantastic taste in in music. Oh yeah putting soundtrack for movies are super solid and the I don’t want to say sound effects but like the ambient sound effects. Yeah, I guess is the best way to say are fantastic.
Yeah, I completely agree with that. And it’s it is picking me up because I think Chasing Amy is probably the best straight up soundtrack that he has. But but it’s not like he said it’s not just the music that’s in the movie. I think they have a Third Eye Blind song in Chasing Amy soundtrack as well. Which go back and listen to our previous episode about when the music stopped for some more sweet Third Eye Blind info. That was fascinating. But they he has a good ear for putting the right music in the right scenes and it’s almost like he’s just got all this time on his hands and money that he can just watch movies, listen to music and you know, read comic books and put it all together perfectly. And it’s great that he does it and I
need people like him.
Yeah, that was definitely something I noticed as well of just how perfectly symmetrical
everything feels dad is fantastic. That’s a good way to say I I can’t stand when every scene is like a swelling fuckin number when they’re sitting on the toilet and take a shit. It’s like, Cool it with the what movie were we talking about a couple of weeks ago where it was like that.
Batman v Superman.
Yeah, that might be it.
I mean, where’s Larry overpowering in that? Yeah,
the whole fucking time.
Yeah. Yeah, so that’s, I agree with you there. I like that pic. I had it on my list. But it got I just liked Jay. who literally never had a chance to be anything else in his life. Right? Like there’s no way he’s being anything other than a drug dealer outside of convenience store. Like I’m curious.
Yeah, I could have been anything.
So for worse, Jay and Silent Bob scene I went with Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
Unknown Speaker 23:41
I’m waiting. I’m
doing the best. Jane said I’m bossy.
I did my clerks too. Oh, yeah, that’s right. Yeah, so Zack and Miri Make a Porno. And mostly I just want to clear Zack and Miri Make a Porno off the board. It’s terrible. It’s the only movie I didn’t watch this time through because I just watched it a couple months ago. It was just awful. Just absolutely awful.
Um, sucks Jane Santa Barbara I know
Jayco they’re not so that this is really a six way tie, but I gave it to Zack and Miri Make a point over everything else you there’s six movies that Jane Santa pop don’t show up in and it’s this one jersey girl cop out red state Tusk and yoga hosers No, Jane’s on apob whatsoever. So I couldn’t think of a bat like just an outright bad scene with them in it. Because I get what they’re doing. Okay. I the whole point is then for the is for them to break up the monotony of whatever the actual story is. And they always do a good job of that. So I couldn’t say anything is bad. And I get why none of these movies contain Jay and Silent Bob like Kevin Smith was clearly trying to do other things with all of these movies and not play up is you know, these cheap jokes that come with Jay and Silent Bob,
Unknown Speaker 24:54
but I can’t have been everything.
I think it also would have been really interesting for him to find Find ways to plug these two guys into these movies that don’t that they don’t fit into like Could you imagine Tusk with randomly Jane’s on a bob like showing up and knocking on that dude’s house?
And and so this late in his career he This is when he had kind of moved on to some different muses, right? He he had Justin Long coming in for everything now he had also a good dude. His his daughter’s starting to be in a lot of things. Harley Quinn Smith. Who else showed up in all these movies? Not Bruce Willis. He fucking hated workout as well.
He does, man. I felt so bad for him. He sounded like he sounds like Bruce Willis was kind of a fucking bully.
Yeah, he really fucking I
wonder how many how many times he called Kevin Smith fatty? I don’t know. Probably many, many probably
more than Jason Muse does in all these movies put together.
He does call them fatty quite a few times.
And you know, all these these movies are the ones that aren’t necessarily connected to the wider universe as far as I can tell, so that’s why they did show up in here but Zack Miri Make a Porno gets it just so like, fuck out of here. Yeah. So what was your worst day in silent, obscene?
I choose. I also slightly cheated on this one. But I couldn’t pick a scene similar to you. So I chose the entirety of the Jay and Silent Bob reboot. Okay, which I saw some. Not all. I saw.
I watched it when it first came out. I just re watched it today as the last movie I need to watch and it’s it’s nothing. It’s just there.
I fucking hate it. I hate it. I hated every second of it because it felt like a Disney live action reboot. Well, that those characters that is,
so that’s part of the joke of it. Right? Well,
I fucking hate that joke.
Yeah, no, I
Unknown Speaker 26:49
mommy bro. And I believe it’s I believe it’s Brody goes on a rant about remakes versus reboots. And that was a qualifier for one of the best grant awards because it was, he does a really good job of like laying it out. And he goes again, it’s Jason Lee going for like three minutes on, you know, a remake versus a reboot versus a sequel. And it’s really funny. And then they all like just turn to the camera and literally wink at you. So that the whole thing is played for a jokin. And his daughter is really good in that. But other than that, there’s not many redeeming qualities. So I’ll give that to you.
I heard his daughter is not that great of an actress.
She’s not but she’s good at the things that fit her into a Kevin Smith movie. If that makes sense. That makes total sense. And I’ll when I get to my yoga hosers Award, I will talk more about that. Here we go. Which it’s not this next one, which the next one is the best Ben Affleck appearance. So you get to go first here.
This is easy peasy, brother. It’s dogma as Bartleby it is it is it absolutely is so good. So good. I mean, you see, for one, this might be my favorite Ben Affleck. appearance, period. Because you see every this is I feel like he’s a genuine fuckin actor in this movie instead of a caricature in a lot of his other movies. Even though he’s playing a character actor if that.
Yeah, no, no, I I completely get it.
We I mean, he just you see every range of emotion. He’s actually a well written character. Surprisingly. I mean, he’s still pissed off at God for His expulsion. And he was an optimistic fallen
angel. Right? It was constantly trying to talk Loki, the Angel of Death into being less violent and deadly. And I think I so what I wrote is, this is one of the few instances of Ben Affleck trying to make the characters around him better and he does a good job. Like he’s on his LeBron shit in this movie.
100 Well, you could tell he’s having so much fun with it. Yeah, he’s acting with Matt Damon. Yeah, he’s is. He’s great in goodwill hunting. Don’t get me wrong.
It’s more or less the angel version of his character and goodwill hunting.
Unknown Speaker 29:06
with better I mean, yeah, yeah, that’s fair.
Yeah, it’s the same thing that until the end like the end, you know, the the guy in Good Will Hunting doesn’t go on a killing spree that we know of. Maybe that happened after the movie turned off. But you know, he’s
Unknown Speaker 29:24
the whole 89 cents on this coffee.
The whole lead up to you know, his eventual turn. He’s just there to be optimistic for Matt Damon, because Matt Damon, Loki can’t be optimistic because he’s the angel of death and his whole life has been killing. So he’s just there to be optimistic. And he’s, he’s just so damn charming early in dogma, and I think charming Ben Affleck is is always the best version of Ben Affleck and I we don’t get to see it enough anymore.
Not No, definitely not at all. I think that was a good time in his life to like, we just we got him Add his while he was writing I having a good time. And I think it was a movie he wanted to do. He seems pretty. You can tell when that dude’s putting forth some effort and when he’s not like Fargo, the town again dog Margo
That’s what I meant.
Very different movies said, You sound very different. I want to see Ben Affleck in Fargo though.
Ever mix those up?
Fargo season five. Let’s get Affleck in there.
Unknown Speaker 30:33
So he’s just a charming guy all the time. Then. All of a sudden he flips off screen and becomes a radicalized anarchist who decides God’s not worth it anymore? Because God gave people everything and some don’t even believe in it. So he is just like I fuck it. We’re gonna wage war on God. And then so crazy is Ben Affleck is also a great Ben Affleck. There are very few actors that can go from extremely charming to utterly disenchanting the way Ben Affleck doesn’t this movie
very casually in the craps table, like Yeah. He’s so good day. Him and Matt Damon’s banter are just, it’s so fantastic. Like you really see their friendship kind of come through there. And between the motivations and the cast around him. He’s somehow elevated Salma Hayek, Matt Damon, Chris Rock. Yeah,
I forgot Chris Rock, wasn’t it until I rewatched it.
Forget Alan Rickman,
Chris Rock was on is like coming back from the dead Angel shit at this point in time because he did down to earth right around the same time.
Unknown Speaker 31:42
Unknown Speaker 31:43
I found God.
Unknown Speaker 31:47
I found God. And
dog I think is probably the most interesting movie. In Kevin Smith’s filmography.
It’s it’s absolutely what’s got something to say man. Yeah, it’s
it’s a takedown of religion and the way people believe and then by the end of it, it becomes this combination of religion in that you know, everything works out and God is in fact there for you and will help you when needed. And even you know, immaculately conceives a baby for this woman who was otherwise infertile. Like, it’s but the whole movie leading up is like, Nah, God doesn’t give a shit. Right? God’s not there for you. And and that and that’s what Bartleby and Loki see. And then boom, all of a sudden it’s like oh, no, it she is that door
right now. I kind of looked at it as you know, maybe even if God doesn’t exist sometimes these these small miracles to people other that you know that aren’t you are. Maybe that’s God working through those miracles like it. It was good. I really enjoyed the fact that he changed the game and God is a woman. Like I thought
that was tight. Shout out Alanis Morissette. Yeah, great choice.
Yeah, really fucking was he? I mean, if you pick like Barbra Streisand Betty would have been a sweet ass God,
Unknown Speaker 33:05
I liked the
thing where she couldn’t talk either. So like you you get this at the time. super famous singer. And she doesn’t even speak like Alan Rickman is there to be her voice right. And that’s, that’s a really good like extra cherry on top of all the jokes that go into this.
The voice of God and men
algorithms great there too. And he’s like, he’s, he can tell it’s between this and Galaxy Quest. 99 to 2001. And he’s just like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? be okay, but yeah, he’s having a lot of fun. And it starts on Harry Potter. And it’s all off from there.
So good. Harry Potter.
Yeah, we’ll get back to Harry Potter. So what’s your worst Ben Affleck appearance?
All of his scenes in mallrats.
So I had that as a it’s bad. But I think he’s doing a good job of being back because I have that as a potential best Ben Affleck. Just because, like he’s pulling off that douchey guy perfectly. to us.
I think he just plays him too fucking dumb. Yeah, you like, if you’re being a douche. You’re not gonna lean into the guy you’re annoyed with. And be like, are you sure you saw our get on the elevator?
Yeah, he’s punching Jason London or Jeremy londa whichever. I don’t know. Which they’re twins. No, Jason leaves on the elevator. And the London twin is off the elevator like Todd knew my own where she wait like he’s punching that guy so fast.
Yeah, I mean, I I’d be open as asked because you think you would know exactly what the fuck is going on? Yeah, but also,
he knows who they are.
Yeah, right. I know who you are his little joke in front of everybody. It’s like, dude. Why don’t you just hit him. That’s like, much less damaging something like that. Someone’s gonna call the cops. There’s Karen’s back in 1993 or whatever the fuck this movie was made. Let’s see here. Yeah, that’s right. 95
Yeah, 95 Okay.
Plus is a man he really does play a great douche. Like his outfit is so douchey His hair is douchey as fuck. He’s a good guy. He gives me gives me chills in that movie and it just seems like he’s having a not great time. While he’s still learning.
Yeah, he hasn’t he’s not fully on board yet, right? He wasn’t in clerks. Like this is the second movie. This is where he’s coming in. He had been in dazed and confused, and he was a very small part and dazed, dazed and confused and again, he was a dick there to chasing around all the underage guy underclassmen with the paddle like that. That was all he did.
Yeah, I mean, he’s pretty much just addicted.
Yeah. So I went with Chasing Amy and this is a Ben Affleck is douchey and chasing me but super creepy douchey not funny douchey like he is in mallrats
He is not a no it means no kind of guy and Jamie
like I feel like in mallrats he was in on the joke and then Chasing Amy he’s just creepy and obsessive and he thinks he just deserves being with Alyssa simply for being alive and attractive and in her orbit.
He’s because he’s in love with her
right? He’s the archetype of a nice guy and he even like leans into this as well of like our sorry quote unquote nice guy. Not not an actual nice guy. These nice guys on the internet you know the white knights or whatever who think they deserve a girl just because they said one nice thing about them right and the whole time he’s just doing this passive aggressively belittling her and her sexuality trying to kind of neg the lesbian. The lesbian ism out of her which doesn’t work.
He’s basically a walking pray the gay away. Yeah, type of douchebag and, and I’m that special. You’re gonna love me?
Well, so I had qualified chasing me for the worst rant too, because he goes off. Like when he confesses her love to her. He goes on a very cringy rant. And I think so I think chasing me fits better under worst Affleck than it does under worse rant. Because he’s just so incredibly awful in it. And he’s he’s doing a very good job as an actor, but but his character is so awful. And I don’t know that. I don’t know that the character was written to be awful, right? I think the character was written like kids because guys like that exist. And they win sometimes. And so I don’t know they at that time, in the mid 90s. Anyone was in on the joke of what was going on there right now. It looks like okay, this is just a big joke. Like, this guy’s obviously a douche. And we know that and he’s not going to get the girl. But I think in 1997 or whenever that one came out, it was like, No, these two belong together. She can’t be a lesbian. It’s Ben Affleck.
I think that was Kevin Smith’s idea of like,
Unknown Speaker 37:53
they didn’t get all the girls, if that makes sense.
Yeah, maybe they. So they return Holden and Alyssa return in the Jay and Silent Bob reboot in a scene and that they’re co parents and she’s married and like, he donated sperm so they can have a baby and they co parent, whatever. But they go on this this whole thing about like, because he writes the Chasing Amy comic book at the end. She comes in and she’s like, yeah, you know, it was pretty good. But it seems like something that should have been written by a woman or a you know, LGBTQ community. Somebody different than a sis white male should have written this story. And they kind of that’s another kind of wink at the camera of like it chasing me is a is a product of its time more so the end, and it’s not what it should be.
Yeah, never looked at it that way. That’s a good good point of view.
Yeah. So for now, if you don’t watch the whole reboot, watch that seen it. It’s pretty interesting. And it’s kind of Kevin Smith. Taking accountability for like, he wasn’t the right person to write that movie, but it is what it is at this point. And all he can do is say, you know, my bad if there’s another project like this, let’s give it to somebody who is more qualified to tell that story. And so I mean,
yeah, I needed to be said, and he had a vehicle to say some stuff like that at the time. But it’s just a different ballgame. You know, I think he that was his recognition of like, I’m, you know, I’m not there anymore. Stone.
Yeah, I’m not I’m not gonna go out on a limb and try and tell that story again, because clearly I can’t do not my place yeah,
it’s not my place anymore.
So just real quick on this this rant of Ben Affleck’s love compassion tool, Alyssa super cringy over the top completely uncalled for in a way that he thinks her lesbian ism is a fleeting thought that can just be changed because the right guy said some mushy words to her neighbor, the gateway. Yeah, he goes way too far too fast with his confession and He rightfully scared her off at the time. And then she even calls them out on it while they’re in the car having that conversation, they still just tries to talk her out of He’s like, No, no, no, listen to me. You know, he refers to her changing her entire lifestyle as a period of adjustment. And he’s, and you know, it’s worth it because he’s in love with her, but he’s not in love with her. He’s just obsessed with her because he can’t have her. And to put that burden onto her by unloading all his feelings on him on her is just not a good look. And it’s a very rough scene. And what makes it even worse is at the end of it, it kind of works. And he wears her down to the point that she makes out with him in the rain and they even date for a little while. And so I think I think that’s the part that Kevin Smith not qualified for. Right? It’s he puts all this out there, Ben Affleck’s here to put it all out there. And it works because it shouldn’t work. Like you can’t just flip a switch on somebody because you said the right combination of words.
I agree. 100%
Yeah. Did you? You didn’t do worse Ben Affleck apparently I told you. Yes, you did. I did more and more accessory. The other douche. I so best quest. I go first here. What? No, I
was just Yeah, they’re both douchey.
Yeah. Do you see Ben Affleck is something it’s fucking out there. Yeah. So the best quest I went with jersey girl being a good dad.
Unknown Speaker 41:18
he’s a shitty dad early on. And it’s a bad look. You know? He’s but he plays the part well of being a shitty dad. But then Affleck. Yeah, it’s been Aflac.
He’s in Jersey girl too.
Yeah, he’s the main character of Jersey girl. This is and and he it’s just when so it’s like spoilers for jersey girl. I guess. he marries Jennifer Lopez. She gives birth to the kid she dies giving birth. And then now he has to raise her and he gets his dad to help his dad lives in New Jersey. But he works in New York for some like music production company or something right? And he’s got this big shot job. So he’s he’s shitty early on because he doesn’t know what to do. His wife died. He has no idea how to handle it. But then it we fast forward seven years and he’s right back to charming Ben Affleck he had lost his job. And he’s there as dad all the time and just perfect charming Ben Affleck again. And then later he shitty again. So we kind of oscillates between charming Ben Affleck and shitty Ben Affleck. And, and he’s, again just like dogma. He’s great in only a way that I think Ben Affleck can be. I don’t know who else can can flip this switch between being incredibly charming to just total piece of shit. and flip it back and forth. And you believe in both ways.
Right? So good at it. So fucking should eat and Granny’s. Yeah,
I think so. Like somebody like George Clooney has the charming side down. And I think he could be as charming as Ben Affleck is and some of these movies. But Harrison Ford.
Unknown Speaker 42:54
that’s that’s a Harrison Ford quality. Yeah, I’d have to it has to be young Harrison Ford, I’d have to see it. You know, but jersey girls really interesting. You can tell this is one Kevin Smith. He put a lot of his heart into he pulled from his personal experience of being a father other than you know, his wife dying because his wife is very much alive. And in most of his movies. I I enjoyed this movie a lot. It felt very real. And it wasn’t a typical Kevin Smith movie that’s really broke it up for me. This was I think the fourth or fifth one that I watched. So it was a nice change of pace. There’s this bit with Will Smith, which is really great. So Affleck worked for this record label. And he just trashes the shit out of Will Smith gets fired. That’s how it gets relegated. She’s being a dad in New Jersey. And then later he goes into interview with this other music production company and he meets Will Smith. After Will Smith is blown up because like the first time it’s like 1992 or 93. Before Will Smith is really you know, fucking Will Smith. Yeah. So when they Yeah, when they meet seven years later. And when he’s done Independence Day, he’s he’s probably like going into Wild Wild West at this point done men and black done Independence Day. So he’s at the height of his powers. And they have this really great chat about being fathers. And you know, Will Smith doesn’t seem to recognize Ben Affleck. And he’s like Affleck is trying to play it off in a very cheesy Ben Affleck II way. He does a great job of just like very understated like, Yeah, no, I don’t think you know me. But Will Smith like I think I think I’ve seen you somewhere. So it’s very funny and it’s a very good scene. It just, it takes you out of the universe in such a good way and it doesn’t feature any of those usual trademarks. There’s no Jay and Silent Bob. There’s no really long winded rants that you know that just go nowhere. Very few heavy handed nerd references and there’s only one distracting cameo with Jason Lee and Matt Damon interviewing Ben Affleck for a job but that’s the only one.
I can’t believe those two got roped into these movies. I seriously cannot believe it, but it
there are really nowhere else Jason Lee fits though. Right?
Oh, Jason Lee I
just came. My Name Is Earl.
Yeah, he used to be a professional skateboarder too. Well, that’s true. He was fucking good, dude.
Yeah, I’ve seen he’s fun to watch. So what was your best quest?
My best quest? arise the second pick from a single movie. Obviously Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Kiss my wife s it’s stopping the movie bluntman and chronic because everyone was calling them pussies online. Dude, that’s the internet
so people can get on and bitch about movies.
I mean, that single quest is just so perfect. Their their journey is fantastic. I love when when they’re sitting there talking shit on the computer and movies that that just asked me back to when they had in 60 fours and McDonald’s
and stuff like that is all good stuff. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 45:55
Oh, man. I’m
only part I don’t like about that. It’s when they stumble on to like the literal Mystery Machine. Yeah, that was up for my worst nerd reference. But it got edged out by something else. But that was definitely out there. Yeah, that was just weird.
Not and you get all the good. That’s one more Ben Affleck is good, but I hate his dialogue. Even though he’s just got that he’s back. It’s wholesome. Right?
It’s a really small someone.
They’re all running together in my head right now.
Yeah, it’s it’s hard to very hard to like yeah,
to separate them when like, cuz Ben Affleck. And a lot of them, especially the later ones. He just shows up for seeing like clerks too. He comes in and order something from movies. And then he like yells at somebody because they they did something that’s not very hygienic. And that’s it. That’s the end of the scene. It’s kind of funny.
He’s like, I got 15 minutes and he’s like, Alright, cool. We’ll fill in the ship. But yeah, they’re when they meet. Once you know that three or four, three hottest chicks is like at the time period. Elizabeth Dushku.
Will do sky Shannon Elizabeth and who’s the other one?
I don’t know her name. Her face familiar. Oh, Ali Larter,
I think was but yeah, those
are like the honeys of the time. Yeah, and they’re fucking you know, Shannon Elizabeth, is that
Yeah, she’s the one he ends up hooking up with right
yeah, you know and the baby in the future but Sean William Scott is fantastic in that. That that that was a good runner up for one of my favorite favorite rants too was the shitty types out to the people from from movies. Oh, yeah. Fucking pussies. Yeah, I had that I can eat that shit and then shit out and eat that shit.
He he did the same thing in the reboot. Just another version of that the reboot is almost exactly. Strikes Back. Put together older
and have veneers.
Yeah. And, and Harley Quinn Smith, isn’t it?
Unknown Speaker 48:06
So worst, worst quest? I went with Tusk. Not the whole walrus thing because that’s weird. That’s that’s bad. But just finding a weird podcast guest to interview and Winnipeg after they pretty much cyberbully the original guests and killing himself for the Nazi Party podcast. I’m not down for that.
Unknown Speaker 48:28
It sounds awful.
Yeah. It sidebar the Nazi party at n ot. E party. podcast is not a terrible idea for a podcast. I’ve heard a lot of bad ideas for podcasts. This one isn’t that bad of an idea. So it’s one of them just Long’s character goes and sees an interview someone weird. And the other one Haley Joel Osment won’t go and see that thing because he doesn’t like traveling. So then Justin all comes back and describes it to them and they just kind of riff on that.
Yeah, I mean, I could. That would be fun. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to do it alone. My No.
My wife would be going on every trip with me. Absolutely. Because otherwise, it turned into a fucking walrus.
Yeah, no, I wouldn’t please you got to come with me. And she’s like, Why? Why do I need to come with you to go see this? 95 year old man that’s broken down and die. What was that honey? I didn’t hear you because he might. He really likes
Unknown Speaker 49:24
Unknown Speaker 49:26
I don’t know.
Unknown Speaker 49:28
It’s gonna fucking cut my shirt off.
So just the Long’s character is absolutely the super perfect podcast bro in this movie. Absolutely perfect.
He plays that character to a tee. I kind of say Kevin Smith is at the ball. His ball is most bothering whatever you want to say he’s ballers fun for casting just along in this role. Justin was so great. And he’s so you’re just in law?
Yeah, just alongs amazing. He has this in this movie in particular, but even in other movies. He does a good job of it. He has As a special ability to come up with random ass phrases that make it feel like whatever the interviewee is saying is interesting, but he’s actually not interested or probably even listening to what the interviewee is saying. So like the guy with the walrus fetish. She’s like sitting there going off about one of the stories about Ernest Hemingway, or whoever the fuck he’s talking about, right? And he’s just like, super balls, man, I can’t believe that. Like, he just comes up with these like, really like intense phrases and has this intense eye contact with him like he’s actually paying attention. But you know, he’s definitely not like he’s just waiting to get to the next point. And these types of podcast hosts that absolutely exist, they simultaneously keep the podcast game afloat, and make everyone else look bad. Because when you say you have a podcast, everyone assumes you’re this type of person, right? It’s the Joe Rogan effect it like that’s exactly what Joe Rogan is, is like, you just talked for five minutes. I’m gonna sit here and say these weird phrases in the middle, like, I’m super interested in it.
Well, I mean, to be fair, that can happen sometimes.
What do you mean? Like you’re actually interested?
Well, no. Well, if someone goes on, you know, a long tangent, it’s really hard or not tangent, but when they’re trying to make a point it’s really hard to get a point out there and response necessarily like you know,
Unknown Speaker 51:24
I get that it’s,
it’s draw that out, but Justin Long does it perfect. Yeah, he’s like a less threatening Joe Rogan.
Yeah. The way they respond to it, right? It’s not that they’re just saying they’re letting them ramble. It’s the way that they respond to them with this super intense phraseology and and like the way they stare at them, and it’s hard to explain, if you watch the first just watch the first 20 minutes to talk, you’ll see what I’m talking about. You don’t watch the whole movie. But you’ll understand and like his girlfriend even calls him out on it at one point, and he kind of challenges it with how much money he makes. And she’s like, because he apparently changed so much. He used to be like this kind of lame stand up and he switched into this type of person. And now it worked. So he’s gonna keep doing it. And I just, I never understood people that listen to those type of podcasts where it’s just like, Dude bros, like being super interested in the nothing that the other dude bro is saying. But they’re super popular. And it just it to me It takes no thought or effort to make these kind of lowest common denominator of jokes at the expense of random people and listeners just laugh that shit up for some reason like that. There. It opens with this kid literally cutting off his leg and then making fun of him doing it for like five minutes. Yeah, and it’s Yeah, I don’t know. But it works. I guess so. Shout out to dude, bro. podcasters
I can do it man, bro.
What is your worst quest?
Worst quest? This one. I’m gonna keep it short and simple.
I thought I would with Tuscan. That didn’t happen. Not well. This one. I
fucking hate this movie. I’ve sent it already. And the worst quest is making rent by making a porno. Zack and Miri Make a Porno. What kind of dumb as shit is that someone gets shit on fuck that movie. It is gross.
It’s terrible. It’s very bad. Can
you imagine Jay and Silent Bob and Seth Rogen fuckin interacting with each other? That makes me want to throw that’s why they weren’t in that I have stupid it would be God damn it if they were in that movie. I just I would get high just watching it. Oh,
it’s very bad. That was that was fucking my runner. Definitely was that I said that was definitely my runner up for this cop out is another one that goes up there on the list of like, I gotta get his baseball card back or some shit.
What kind of dumb as shit is Oh, we can’t make rent. Yeah, let’s fucking Make a Porno. What? Seth Rogen you’re a fat hairy dude. Like jumped a lot of steps
in there. Like there’s a lot that goes in between like, I can’t pay my bill to I make rent and they just jumped right over all of them.
HMI go down to the Papa John’s they’re always hiring delivery drivers. fuckin a newspaper will. This is what 2010 2011 Oh,
708 wasn’t really that. I remember watching it in college. Yeah.
Ah, yeah, that sounds about right.
Because it was it was right. When Rogan was started. It was after knocked up. It was after super bad. So he’s starting to kind of have his own cachet in movies. And then this comes in. He’s like, what the fuck?
I remember watching that movie. Fuck, I was with a couple friends of mine. And they’re like, they’re dying while this dude gets shit on. And I’m sitting there just going What the fuck. It just it was not not good. And this guy, like you said they skipped a lot of fucking steps.
The first time I saw it, I was in college and we watched it at the house I lived in and we just had a couple people over and we’re like drinking beers. or whatever, none of us paid any attention to it like that. That’s how unengaging it was. I couldn’t tell you a single thing that happened in that movie. From that first time I watched it. And then I watched it a second time a couple months ago just to because it was on Netflix. And I was like, you know, I didn’t really give it a fair shake. We were doing a lot of other shit. We were playing games and everything was going on. Like maybe maybe we just weren’t paying attention, and that’s why it was so forgettable. And Nope, nope, it’s just as bad. It’s just bad. It’s actually worth paying attention to it.
I fucking bad because, dude, it’s not good. It’s a terribly red movie. The dialogue is shit. The characters are shit. It’s a dumb he could
have written that either, right?
There’s no he did. He did pretty sure he did. No, he the only one. He didn’t write his cop out. He wrote this right before cop cop out was next. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. That’s rough, man. All right. So best monologue rant by a character now we’re really getting into the Kevin Smith isms here. What do you got?
I got a silent Bob’s monologue in chasing? Amy.
It’s a good one.
It is a fan. tastic. And here’s a little fun fact. I, when I was growing up, or my formative years and teenager hood, this was a super important scene to me, because yeah, I just, I don’t know. Long story short, I wasn’t really looking for the right woman.
I mean, you’re a high school boy. So yeah.
I was pretty convinced that, uh, I don’t know, it made me more aware, I guess is probably the best way of saying it have a genuinely good partner. Huh? You know what I mean? So it’s because it’s
not just about how hot she is.
Right? Well, the analogy of Chasing Amy, you know, spending the rest of your life I’m terrible about regrets. Like, I hate regretting shit. So I try to get it right the first time around. If that makes any sense as well. And you know that that was, as you said before, one of his points where he he breaks it down really well. But it’s just really long. It’s a little too fucking long. Yeah. But it’s extremely profound. It really plays up one of the early moments where he says something, and coming from his mouth, it sounds a whole lot better.
Well, yeah, you know, within every time he talks when when he’s in a movie, you know it, you got to stop and listen, like, it’s whatever he’s saying. It’s gonna be important.
And he’s a good orator. He speaks well, he’s got a good cadence, his his voice is deep, and you know, semi baritone, and he’s making a solid point. So it’s like, okay,
and chasing me is kind of the perfect, you know, brings everything together is his monologue in that and he does a really good job. Yeah. I went with clerks, a lot to choose from and clerks. There’s a lot of just one on none talking. But I went with randles final rant about him and Dante working as clerks in the stores. He kind of calls downtown, I was bullsh his, you know, I’m not even supposed to be here. Bullshit. And then he talks about, it’s basically a monkey’s job and anyone could do it. And Dante tries to make himself feel important about it, but really Jays the one who’s got it, right. And he kind of goes, if we’re so fucking advanced, what are we doing here? He knows, like, Randall knows what he’s doing. And he knows it’s perfect for him, because he’s a lazy burnout. And he’s accepted that about himself, but Dante thinks he’s still going to make something out of himself. He’s like 25 years old. He dropped out of college already, but he still thinks he’s going places and but it’s everybody else’s fault that he is what it is both in terms of working that day, at the store and in life. And I think it’s just one of the best summations of how good Kevin Smith is at making mundane situations seem spectacular, but also still mundane, like these two guys. They’re lifelong, that they have this lifelong friendship and they’re going nowhere in life. And a blow up like this, where Randall is basically yelling at Dante. It that that would end a lot of friendships. And that’s kind of the spectacular part about this, right is that he blows up in in that way. But then five minutes later, Randall walks back in and it’s like nothing ever happened. And so you’re back to this mundane friendship all the sudden. And that’s kind of what these real friendships are like, you could want to kill each other one moment, and then poof, it’s just all gone. And Kevin Smith is great at capturing those things.
It’s he’s once again, he’s relatable shit, man. I remember my roommate. We fought like nine or 10 times like this fight. But dude was my my best friend at the time. Yeah. I mean, there’s that’s that’s kind of dramatic on the other end of the spectrum, but I hear what you’re saying in regards to the way that that model, you know, the way it came across was fantastic, right? It really was and that was probably their best acted scene. Those two guys period between every movie they appear and those guys are not good actors so
and that’s why there is the rest of the movies there their side characters whenever they do show up.
Yeah, they’re not very good.
So what do you have for the worst monologue or rant by character?
abin Cooper’s sermon in a red state? Yes, dude. This fucking guy.
I couldn’t tell you anything. You said I was playing Madden while I was watching it.
Oh, man, he’s just he basically talks about people fucking, and homosexuality homosexuality. Yeah. Yeah. It’s, it’s, it’s every, like mega churches sermon that makes zero sense and just talks a lot of people into suppressing, you know, well, so their feelings about themselves and each other.
Like I said, Thomas, fuck. Oh, absolutely. I guess I was playing man when I was watching this part. And I I kept looking up and realized he’s still talking. And I’m like, dude, it
was the nine minutes.
Yeah. Eight minutes. Well, so it was seven eight minutes they stopped to get the children out of the room because it’s about to get real adult in here meaning he’s going to torture the boys they kidnapped and then he goes again for another minute or so after you know the there’s a couple minutes or like a 30 seconds of the kids I’ll walk out of the room. But I had to rewind it and be like, Did he really talked that whole time? And how long is it because I wanted to time it to be like this is gotta be the worst monologue right? Because I just I just kept looking up being like this guy still fucking talking. What the hell is there to say like, how is homosexuality that evil that you can go on for nine minutes about it?
Well, that’s the thing is to you and I it’s just like, okay, that that is a one second fucking discussion. Who gives a shit? It’s not my place. This to talk for nine minutes that speaks that epitomizes Kevin Smith’s art of just really bringing the real world into cinema. Late that there are people like that there are millionaires that make all their money off talking like that.
Well, I guess he invited the Westboro Baptist Church to the premiere because they did like a rolling premiere where they went city to city and I think it’s Memphis that is where Westboro Baptist churches is the, like, their headquarters or whatever. So he invited them there. And then they protested and he set up a counter protest to their protest. And at one point, he even joined their protest because he knew they had no idea who he was just like as a joke, and it the behind the scenes of red state is pretty interesting. And Red Sea is weird. It’s I thought it was three different movies. Right throughout the thing.
It felt like it
first it’s, it’s okay, there’s this most you know, right side of liberal family living in this very rural read area. And that’s what we’re gonna see we’re gonna have to see them deal with whatever these people are bringing, because it opens with that that protest of the funeral of the the gay kid that just die. We later find out that that’s this called kill. Okay, fine. That’s what this movie is gonna be. And then boom, all of a sudden, now it’s, oh, these three kids got kidnapped by the cult. That’s what this movie is gonna be. It’s gonna be them escaping the cold and you know, getting back to their lives. And then all of a sudden, it’s fucking john Goodman and a SWAT team. Go and blow for blow with these illegal weapons that the cult has for like an hour. And I was like, What the hell? how did how did this movie turn into that?
It’s a more fucked up version of any form of waco. Yeah, like it’s, it’s tough. And do that monologue. Is God damn rough. It’s so hateful. Yeah, it’s one of the most hateful speeches I could I could honestly, possibly in my mind could contract put, you know, pen to paper and actually write that shit. It’s not gonna be hard.
I was I’ll say this. I was happy. I was playing Madden during it, right? Well, I
mean, I was watching along too. Well, I listened to it on YouTube when I was at work, and I’m just like, What the fuck is No, fuck yeah,
you’re absolutely yeah, guys. Nick’s been indoctrinated into a cult. What do we do? Who in HR can handle this? Alright, so now for the main event. The best nerd reference. I went deep on this one with yoga hosers.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:37
we got a Stan Lee cameo. He is a 911 ish, because it’s Canada. So it’s not actually nine one.
He’s he cameos in that. Yeah.
So he’s a dispatcher, and he talks about how Hitler is a nasty camper worse than Dr. Doom and Darth Vader combined.
And love it.
It was such a random but perfect spot. For a Stan Lee cameo, and it might be one of my favorites he’s ever done.
That’s just out there. Yeah, you wouldn’t think he would.
He’s really good at mallrats. And he’s really good here. Like, it’s really funny, Stanley, it was just he’s just such a kick ass dude.
really is and you want to think that he would appear in Kevin Smith movies, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. Yeah. He’s Kevin. So Kevin Smith is on Stanley’s not sec.
Oh, 100%. So I also went out there, I have an honorable mention within Yoga hosers as well, Kevin Conroy shows up as a customer to their convenience store, doing his absolute best Batman voice. And he’s got a kid with him. That’s wearing this button down shirt that’s got a little r in a circle on it. So it’s Kevin Conroy. And this dude, this kid with with an R on his shirt, and it was great. And he’s just like talking about like, convenience store stuff where I need some cigarettes, blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever. And the one problem with it, the only problem I have here and the reason it didn’t win is because he’s leaving and he’s like, he’s telling him he goes okay, Robin, let’s get out of here. And like that made me mad like just leave it subtle of like the little are on a shirt and this is the voice of Batman like the people will get it if you leave it right. The people who want to get it will get that you don’t have to call him Robin my name. nerds. Okay, yeah, we get it. We know we’re nerds. We know CAD, everything. Yeah, we know Kevin Conroy Don’t worry. So Yoga hosers is a lot of fun. It’s like clerks mixed with scream mixed with a little bit of Little Nicky somehow.
That sounds great to someone have tetes on their head
notes on the head, but there are little sausage versions of Hitler played by Kevin Smith. And they just beat the shit out of these little sausage Hitler’s. So Lily Rose Depp, who is Johnny Depp’s daughter and which is why Johnny Depp is in Tusk and yoga hosers so Lily Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith, they they work really well together and they feel a lot like those Jason Lee Ben Affleck or you know, whichever London twin it was, and Randall Dante even Jay and Silent Bob to a certain extent, except neither. Absolutely neither one of them is silent, you know, in this case, but they work really well together. They have that rapport that these other ones that these other characters and actors have. They’ve apparently been friends their entire lives, and it really shows. I enjoy it. And like I’m weirdly looking forward to Moose Jaw to see more of them together. Because they’re really funny to watch together.
I’m down for that.
Yeah. It’s not a good movie. Right? But none of the Kevin Smith movies are good. But it’s a lot of fun.
That’s that’s that’s a good way to say it.
Actually. clerks is is a good movie, I would say out of out of all the movies clerks is a good movie. Chase game is a pretty good movie to it was super solid. Me. Yeah. Okay. You know what? They’re all good bucket,
Unknown Speaker 1:08:05
I guess. Yes.
Sup cop out. cop out.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:10
So what was your best nerd reference?
My best nerd reference was the whole Lord of the Rings clerks to seen
that was my runner up here. Loved it.
It was fantastic Lord
of the Rings of Star Wars. Right?
It was a staunch argument. That was one of the most animated times you ever see Randall. And what is his name? Elias?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
He’s a weird ass dude. And just this random cat coming into the, you know, coming into the restaurant to order some food. And they just, I swear to God, dude, if I was ordering some food, and this cat was just like, one rig too. Well, he
had he had had the ring on a necklace. So you got to kind of call it
out. I mean, he fucking pulled the ring out of his pocket. Oh, that’s what it was. Yeah, yeah, is a replica ring in his pocket. So he said that, and then they start going back and forth. And he straight up, pulls out a replica ring. And then a whole argument starts between, you know, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings fan, which if you have been in one of these, you know, it’s quite venomous. And it was summed up so well by Kevin Smith.
Well, yeah, they’re, they’re in this I was gonna make this point something later. But in this argument, they’re both right. And they’re both wrong. Perfectly in every argument that they make, right, of why Star Wars is better, and why Lord of the Rings is better. Both sides of it are right and simultaneously right and wrong throughout the entire argument. And that’s really something interesting that only someone like Kevin Smith can do.
Yeah. Mon, to me. It doesn’t feel like a total rant. Because there’s one there’s more than one person, right?
They’re going back and forth. And But definitely, it’s definitely a nerd reference that that only nerds will get wrapped up in
But it’s a so understandable Yeah, it just harkens back to Kevin Smith being like the most relatable director on the face of the earth I
think Star Wars is probably more enjoyable but Lord of the Rings is probably better filmmaking
are we about to have one of these arguments right now?
I mean go ahead you can you can try and argue that Star Wars is a better made film than any of the Lord of the Rings movies I don’t think you’re gonna win that
no I’m in regards to being more fun look more enjoyable
three plus hours is not going to be ever be like let’s fucking do it this is gonna be a fun ride
maybe I’m just different in that regard maybe I’m just special cabin
and again he go laser swords anywhere in middler
I’m giving fuck he throws a man like he throws a dude
they don’t have any cars that noble in him Falcon cars.
Unknown Speaker 1:10:53
They ride Eagles die land speeders.
yet? At the end of the second movie,
they have a thing called lambda spread Han Solo
over heard of the console would have thought to ride the Eagles like the beginning of Star Wars, man.
I mean, yeah, but then the Eagles would aid him. Just throwing that out there.
There’s no boring answer. Even the trees walk in Lord of the Rings, man. God damn you. Just three out it’s three movies of walking.
This here’s the first movie. And the second
even the trees fucking walk. Yeah,
that’s a good art. That’s, that’s a good, that’s good. I love that shit. Alright, so
the worst nerd reference for me is cop out. I hate to give an award. But just everything Tracy Morgan is doing in the opening interrogation scene. He goes on this random string of movie references that are mostly cop movies, but not all of them. And they they don’t like they don’t fit them in nicely as you usually do with these references. Tracy Morgan never
Unknown Speaker 1:11:55
Right? It’s just yelling them in that way. That is super tracy morgan he right? It’s very annoying and cop out is very bad.
Unknown Speaker 1:12:06
Yeah, we’ve seen that movie rush hour.
She’s dope man. The catch the bad guy. stares at the guy.
The most unbelievable part of cop out in my mind and most cop movies is how quickly these cops get suspended without pay after assaulting some random citizen. Yeah, it’s the first thing they assault somebody and he’s like, give me your badges turn it over. No pants like that. That shit doesn’t happen.
Yeah, no, not at all. He might even get a raise. Yeah. Good job.
So what is your worst nerd reference?
My worst is maybe a little bit picky. But I’m gonna go with it anyways. And that’s the Star Wars rant by or Randall, you know, the reference rant Randall makes about Star Wars in clerks.
Okay, so which one because he does it twice.
The one with the contractors? Yeah, he’s talking about the goddamn contractor. Yeah, it goes on for for fucking ever. But he’s right about about nothing.
Like, contractors died. Nick. Don’t you can understand
the contract is done. I don’t give a fuck.
Unknown Speaker 1:13:18
That was their job. Calvin. It was a goddamn job.
I get his point. And that’s something I’d probably think about if I was baked out of my fucking mind. But why? Like why? That’s that’s really where it comes from. For me like I get if that if that whole scene was 30 seconds. Yeah, probably No, you’re right. besnard referenced a little. And it is so long. And they say the same shit. Over and over.
I think when you boil it down, that’s what Kevin Smith is best at giving stoned nerds. Conversation pieces.
It’s hardly a conversation when he just rants
well. No, no. Right, right for Randall. But what I’m saying is all of these nerd references covered in all 13 of these movies give stone to nerds, their own jumping off points to have their own conversations about these things. Right. Right. And I think that I think Kevin Smith just like he, because that’s the world his brain lives in his constant pop culture. He basically lives in the Oasis from Ready Player One and his own brain. He’s just constantly like thinking of these little nitpicks or thinks about, you know, nerd culture movies, and then he sticks it into his movie so other people can have those conversations. The way he had him in his head. I mean, thank you for that. Kevin Smith.
Yes, seriously, someone needed needed to do it.
That’s it’s him and Wil Wheaton man out here for the rest of us.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Alright, so we gave out five awards we gave best in worst game by Silent Bob seen Best and Worst band app. Like appearance Best and Worst quest Best and Worst monologue or ranch by a character and Best and Worst nerd reference. So go back, check all those out if you don’t remember what we said, just listen to it again and again and again until they’re stuck in your head. But just remember, cop outs the worst out of all,
Unknown Speaker 1:15:15
all of them. Yep.
I wouldn’t know. But I’m going to take kelvins word.
It’s bad. It’s worse than Zack and Miri Make a Porno. So now we come to what would you do, Nick? And the question here is where do you stand with Kevin Smith as a director overall, I think we’ve mostly covered this, but let’s just wrap it up into a nice bow here.
If I if I had to put it in a simple two sentence form three sentence form. He’s okay. I really got to be in the mood for his quirky humor. But his cinematography is is solid for what it is. Most of it doesn’t
make complicated movies either. Right? cinema, cinema tog, graphically,
sometimes graphically as fine. It’s soothing. In regards to it’s a it’s well shot. But it’s not overtly complicated. I’m not there for the visuals. And if he’s focused, that I’m super there for Kevin Smith, when he’s not, you can definitely tell
other than the Jay and Silent Bob scenes, these movies don’t necessarily need to be watched. You could listen to most of them and get what you want to get. But you kind of have to watch the Jay and Silent Bob scenes because Silent Bob is always over there doing some shit with his face that is really good and funny, which makes whatever Jay is saying funnier.
He’s always doing some random ass shit.
I’m with you. I think he’s really good at writing intellectual but nonsensical dialogue that no one would actually ever say or how or how they would say it. And he’s also really good at finding people who can pull off this type of dialogue without it sounding douchey and pretentious. Like Dante and Randall are great at it. Jason Lee, whichever London twin is and mallrats are good at it. Ben Affleck one of the best at it, especially with Matt Damon there with him. That Harley Quinn Smith and Lily Rose Depp are really good at that in yoga hosers. Justin Long is really good at it. He he has a way of finding these people and putting them in there. Elizabeth Banks and Seth Rogen are really bad at to like that they didn’t fit into that into the people that that they’re not those type of people that can I can pull off that that type of thing. And I think that he probably had to rewrite a lot of that movie, because they couldn’t do the things he wanted them to do. And then just unleashed or not Justin Lee, Justin Long shows up at their prom scene, or their reunion scene and just fucking steals the show for three minutes. Because just as long as good at that.
Yeah, he really is. He’s such a very big character. Yeah, it,
it makes it really fun to kind of watch all these movies passively, like I said, because the dialogue is what sucks you in. And so you don’t necessarily have to be looking at. And so now the final thing is, what about what do you think about Kevin Smith as the bastion of nerd culture that he has become?
Dude, I think it’s fantastic. That how much love he has for the culture like this. This may seem like an odd thought, but honestly, I think he has been the best thing for the overall health of nerd culture people. Like like their physical health. The fact that he had a heart attack and nearly died and has like, gotten his shit together. That’s a heart attack. He
didn’t have cancer. I just thought it was
now he had a heart attack. He was doing like a sigh bat or seven Smith.
I’m sorry. I thought it was cancer. Heart attack my bat.
Right his heart was going to shut he you know, I’ve listened to quite a few interviews with him just because I think mostly with him between him and Joe Rogan. Because I like
on his podcast game. That’s he’s got like nine legit nine podcasts with it. Right?
Well, I mean, he’s just he’s a good example for a lot of people and I think it’s great dude. Like nerdy people are awesome. I’ve been a nerd my whole life. I’ve been the fat kid too. I’ve been the you know, the quiet kid cuz you are thinking weird as shit. And most people just look at you like you’re fucking stupid. Yeah, I’m
over here talking about what the fuck spider man’s doing. And you know that staring off into space. Nobody wants to talk to that kid. No, they’re like, what’s
Allen Iverson doing right now? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 1:19:22
I mean, I don’t care. Have
you ever heard of Galactus though, on we need
Unknown Speaker 1:19:27
Unknown Speaker 1:19:30
I can flow. I agree.
I think it’s really cool that he’s kind of taken this on himself. Like Nobody. Nobody handed in this right. He’s just started talking about it over and over again. And he put it into his movies early on. His first movie starts with this Star Wars. Return of the Jedi is actually better than Empire Strikes Back conversation between Randall mostly Randall and Dante. And I he really gets it from all angles. He’s he’s not just guys. He’s not just a Batman guy. He’s And everything guy and he loves it all and accepts it all.
he’s a he’s a nerd. Yeah, he’s a nerd. I feel that dude. Like, I feel that dude in my soul.
The other thing is he’s not afraid to call out the actual fault faults in these quote unquote perfect nerd relics like Raiders of the Lost Ark or Star Wars like he’s okay going in on some of this thing. You know, one minute he has Randall talking about returning the jet is better than Empire Strikes Back in the next Randalls out here shitting on the rebels for killing a bunch of independent contractors on desktop. Or we talked about in clerks too, there’s an entire argument between Randall and the customer, Star Wars versus Lord of the Rings, and they’re both right. And they’re both wrong, and that’s perfect. And it works. And he, even a character like Brody and mallrats he’s, he’s way too into his fandom, which is everything. And He’s way too into his comic books and everything like that. And he even gets that right that he can’t separate his Phantom from real life. And it takes stand the man himself to kind of pointed out to him that like, Look, life isn’t a comic book. If you like this girl, you have to talk to her like she’s a person and treat her like she’s a person, not one of your comic books. And I think he’s the best thing that we have. And we need to cherish him for what he is in this regard. Because without people like Kevin Smith, or Wil Wheaton, like I said before, we’re gonna slip quickly into the hellscape of random death threats to actor Star Wars fandom. And that the world at large needs to stay as far away from that as we can at all costs. Oh, dude, it’s
so obnoxious, noxious and poisonous. And I think something I have not said about Kevin Smith so hot so far, that come through and both his directing his his writing, and it just, you know, his conversations is how much empathy and sympathy that dude has for the human race in general. Even though people can be quite shitty, like you said it, he will call a lot of stuff out, but he does it in an empathetic manner that is like, okay, you know, that’s, it makes a lot more sense. It comes through a lot easier.
Yeah. He’s, he’s very good at what he does. And I hope he can stick around for a while. Because I think sounds like you. Well, man. I think fandoms need someone like him to look to to kind of guide and and trust, like he’s doing this whole watch party for the Snider cut of the Justice League. And I think with something like that, that’s going to be polarizing right off the bat. Like I think it’s going to be helpful to have someone who’s like, Look, yeah, this is in pieces, but movies are really hard to make. And here’s what they do good. And here’s what they did bad and kind of coming out of from. Okay, what’s good from a nerd fan service point of view, what’s good from a movie making point of view? I think that helps everyone involved. And I think more people need to listen to it. And I don’t know if people do
well, I mean, we’ve mentioned several times, he’s a father, as well. Kevin Smith made me very comfortable with being a nerdy ass dad, or at least passing a lot of this down to my daughter. Because I was not gonna lie man, I was very worried that I would just be that I wouldn’t be able to relate to my kid. But my daughter she knows all the Ninja Turtles, because I got like comics all over my wall in the basement and she just wants to come down here and look at pictures of Ninja Turtles loves down Othello. So that was a that was one of those cats had
that my kids lesson they just didn’t go for it for whatever reason.
She loves the new turtles. It’s fantastic. Love it. But I just you know,
they’re I mean, they get they get it. I was playing Crash Bandicoot with them earlier. That was nice. I got the Crash Bandicoot for for cuz I got my PS five a couple weeks ago. Oh, nice. Yeah, so I that was pretty cool to do that. She’s not good at it. Her hands aren’t really big enough for the controller, but she just figured out it was cool to like, share one of those things and they both like Mario, which is cool. And so they’re like you just have to you have to find the things that fit right and like you can’t just shove Power Rangers down their throat because you like Power Rangers and and even like I try I showed her Power Rangers and she was like, yeah, that’s pretty cool. And she liked the crowd and stuff but then she watched a couple episodes in school like I said a couple weeks ago they did it for like indoor PD PE when it was rain, they watched it and kind of like mimic them or whatever. And like so now she’s a little more into it and it’s just you got to take advantage of the chances that you get when they kind of look like they kind of like something you gotta don’t bury them in it because then they won’t like it but you gotta you got to take what you can get they like oh yeah, they like spider man now because into the spider verse they really like spider Gwen in into the spider verse. So like we share that my daughter went to see into the spider verse with me twice. Oh, that’s so fun. And they liked spider pig too, because he’s just funny. So
nice that you got to you got to find the things and like I’m staying away from Harry Potter until they are old enough to really like sink into the story because I’d like them to read the books first or at least get a sense of the books first before the movies. And my younger daughter She doesn’t even she doesn’t watch movies with real people. Yeah, so like we do we do family movie night, every weekend my wife picked a few like live action movies that still kids movies, but she’s like, Is it real people? I don’t want to watch real people.
Unknown Speaker 1:25:31
So but it’s I
mean, like we even tried like the live action Cinderella that they did, like 2015 or something and she’s like, no, not watching again to it.
But yeah, anything else on Kevin Smith?
That is all I got on Kevin Smith. Shout
out Kevin Smith. We know you’re listening. If you got time, you know, get us in one of your 15 podcasts where therefore. Well guess whatever one you want us on?
That’ll be there.
Thank you for listening. You can check us out on Twitter at APA something at alone underscore podcast. And you can check out our website, a podcast about something calm, you can buy email@example.com search podcast about something you’ll find it and thank you always to those cats for the music for podcasts.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai