Episode 144 – A Podcast About Batman Movie Superlatives

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA BATMAN!!! Holy air bat pods listeners, if you couldn’t tell this week’s episode is all about the one, the only, Batman. Specifically the live action iterations! With a timeline stretching back to the 40’s there have been numerous depictions of the caped crusader and his gadgets on the big screen, but it’s truly been a mixed bag when it comes to results. With such a rich history of crime fighting, tech, and villains, it’s a near impossible task to string it all together. That’s why we’re here; to award the ones that did it right, and shit on the ones who did it wrong. Who has the coolest toys (gadgets) or the best suiting up scene? We even give out awards to the best Batman, and even the man behind the cowl, Bruce Wayne. The sweetest ride and of course best costume round out our picks for this month’s movie superlatives.

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Full Episode Transcript Below

Kalvin 0:06
Hold on to a podcast about something where each week we dive deep into whatever it is we find interesting. I’m your host Calvin and joining me from Gotham City. It’s your co host co host, Nick Richardson.

Nick 0:16
It’s pronounced Batman.

Batman 0:18

Nick 0:19
That was a pretty good

Batman 0:26

Nick 0:26
I’ve heard a lot of I’m Batman episode.

Unknown Speaker 0:30
Good luck with that. Batman movie superlatives today.

Nick 0:34
Calvin is gonna be in the hospital.

Unknown Speaker 0:35
This is as far as I can go. Hello. I’m Batman. Your host.

Nick 0:47
People are gonna be like, click

Kalvin 0:51
No, it’s really gonna be fun guys. Just stay around. Okay, okay,

Unknown Speaker 0:54
I’m not gonna keep doing I’m not gonna keep doing

Nick 0:58
it seamless. I don’t know how he does it.

Unknown Speaker 1:00
I’m just gonna throw at it every once in a while. It’s gonna happen sorry

Batman 1:07
I don’t know how it’s gonna sound like once I get the volume levels and all that shit with my normal voice versus the background. I don’t know how it’s gonna work out but the background I like that

Nick 1:17
it sounds like its own unique fucking little toy. Yeah.

Batman 1:22
Today if you didn’t hear Batman before we’re giving out Batman movie superlatives. And you know what we do? month we give away made up awards we’ve been doing it for I don’t know like two years now. We pick a type of movie give up some made up awards to different movies within that type of movie. No repeats these no take backs these and so this month it’s Batman movies. Oh, all the Batman movie.

Nick 1:48
We’ve held off this fucking long. I mean, you have no idea how much restraint back it takes back

Batman 1:53
like honestly one of the third It was probably like the third or fourth movie superlatives outline I put together

Nick 2:02
I think that was one of the first subjects we ever breached when we talked to each other.

Unknown Speaker 2:07
Yeah, cuz everybody else Batman course.

Nick 2:11
buying it back by the end of this year me like, cuz everybody knows.

Batman 2:17
So what we also do a couple months ago, we introduced the sukla tips, which is the opposite of the superlative. And we give out the worst version of every award to we used to do that at the end. But now with our new format that we introduced last week, it’s actually going to be right there with it. So we’re we’ll give our best and then worst right together so it’s all kind of one thing to think that oh five fundamental, something’s about

Unknown Speaker 2:41
I guess Batman movies.

Kalvin 2:43
This week.

Nick 2:45
I see I have to like half yelled to get a solid Batman boys going. Again.

Batman 2:49
I have no idea how it’s gonna turn out. Like when I go to edit this and like I’m gonna have to cut all this great Batman content because it’s too quiet. Or I’m gonna have to really play around with like the amplifier and all that shit. It’s gonna be a mess. It’s gonna hate it.

But guess what this world needs? A dark night to bring you a podcast about Batman. Batman movies. Dude, if

Nick 3:19
you if you were in like an animated movie, it was Batman. I would be dying the whole fucking time. I

Unknown Speaker 3:24
don’t know what if anybody needs a Batman voiceover actor. I got I fucking

Nick 3:29
know like six different people that probably could use

Unknown Speaker 3:33
Oh, man on twitter at APA something underscore Batman. I’m not Batman. Batman.

Batman 3:41
I am Batman.

So there’s a lot of different variety of Batman movies. And for this particularly, we’re only covering live action Batman movies. Not anime animated because I feel like animated Batman movies and DC animated movies in itself could be its own set of movie superlatives. So I didn’t want to throw those in.

Nick 4:04
Let’s be real here. Animated. Batman movies are like leagues of leagues ahead of live action Batman movies,

Kalvin 4:12
some of them Yes.

Batman 4:13
So you know some of them.

Have you ever seen the Assault on Arkham? Not good.

Nick 4:19
I’m sure I’ve seen that.

Batman 4:20
Really anything anything with Kevin Conroy? Good anything with not Kevin Conroy? Not very good.

Unknown Speaker 4:27
Batman Beyond is dope. Well, yeah, okay.

Batman 4:29
Batman Beyond doesn’t count because that’s that’s like a different Batman.

Unknown Speaker 4:31
That’s will friedle Eric Matthews being Batman in the future.

Nick 4:36
Is that really? Conroy

Unknown Speaker 4:37
is still in Batman Beyond as persuade. So take that. He should.

Kalvin 4:51
Yes, it is. Well, Friedel.

Nick 4:53
I respect him so much more now.

Batman 4:55
He’s so he’s such a good voice actor. he’s a he’s the dude and Impossible to her her best friend.

Unknown Speaker 5:02

Nick 5:02
Okay, I know which one exactly you’re talking about.

Kalvin 5:04
Also Eric Matthews,

Nick 5:05
Mr. split down the middle, the middle hair part there.

Batman 5:10
Yes. Love Eric Matthews we want to did an episode on Eric Matthews that never got released. It’s the last episode of the podcast about something. We did that with the, with the guest board Meets World. And it was awful one because like, we were all new in this podcasting thing and hadn’t really quite figured out how to like interact with each other. And also, I was sick and very tired and like I came home to do it in the middle of the day because that’s when they had free and I was like alright, I can I can knock this out and then just go to just pass out afterwards and I was just completely dead I still have the source file it may or may not be released at some point in our lifetime.

Nick 5:53
release that shit.

Batman 5:55
I’ve talked to them about it because like they call me out on their podcast cuz that’s when I listen to cuz I love Boy Meets World and they’re really great at doing that. So if you like Boy Meets World, go check out Bourne Meets World there, there are a lot of fun, and they called me out a couple weeks ago on it. That they’re like yeah, we did a guest spot one time. I don’t ever know what happened to that. So yeah, I was like, Oh, it’s the last episode, but it still exists.

Nick 6:16
Just send a screenshot of it on your desktop titled pile of shit.

Batman 6:24
Like this Like Extended Universe, cuz that’s the only pile of shit here.


Nick 6:31
That is a very accurate statement.

Kalvin 6:33

Nick 6:34
we need to get into some Batman.

Unknown Speaker 6:35
Yeah, well, I mean, Batman at all yet. We’re waiting guys. What the hell are you doing?

Kalvin 6:39
We’ve been? I play Batman is like a separate character from me.

Nick 6:43
No, it’s gotta be seamless.

Batman 6:45
Yeah. All right. So the awards that were given out today, we give out five awards. And like I said, the sucker lives are now mixed in with the superlative so we’ll get best and worse at the same time.

Unknown Speaker 6:56
So we’ve got the best at horse batsuit with a subcategory of best and horse suiting up seat because it’s always really cool. To see Batman putting on a suit for the first time and it moves. Sure to lose it there.

Nick 7:07
But yeah, no, that’s probably why six to like seven lines. Seven roads is

Kalvin 7:13
really hard for like three full run on sentences.

Unknown Speaker 7:17
We’ve got the best and worst bad vehicle, the best and worst pet detective skills, the best and worst bet gadgets. And the best and worse Batman with a subcategory of best and worse, Bruce Wait, cuz if you didn’t know, I Batman, but I’m also Bruce white. Nice.

Nick 7:38
My wife is gonna be like, what

Kalvin 7:39
the fuck? So much water.

Unknown Speaker 7:41
Don’t shit.

Batman 7:44
So with that we move into the five fundamental some things about Batman movies, which are our superlatives. And I don’t know about you, but I thought it was really hard to narrow a lot of these down. Because I think for the most part, all the movies do a good job of making things look cool. Now there’s some hokey ness to the different movies, and we’ll get into that when we talk about them. But I think they always do a good job of having something cool in them. Or at least something that looks cool.

Nick 8:13
For the most part, like especially for the time, or the time, you know, time period, right when they were released and stuff like that. Except the nipples that was a big misfire

Batman 8:23
nipples are rough. We’ll get into the nipples for sure. No. And so

Unknown Speaker 8:32
Robin touches them in the Batcave. I need you guys to see them all the time. That’s how it makes it weird.

Batman 8:40
So for me, it was it was more of a task of what looked coolest and each movie. And also was that cool thing, also the most functional version of it.

Nick 8:51
Yeah, there’s some there’s been there’s a lot

Kalvin 8:54
of stuff that no function. Well, there’s

Nick 8:56
a lot of cool stuff. And there’s a lot of things that you really need to have function that has zero series of bat cows that are fucking immovable.

Kalvin 9:06
Yeah, that’s rough. Like, yeah, all the 90s ones pretty much

Nick 9:11
like every suit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just the 90s I don’t know what their deal was with concrete next.

Batman 9:17
I don’t know. But we’re gonna move with that comment into the best bat suit. What do you got?

Nick 9:23
Best bad suit? I got Batman vs. Superman.

Batman 9:26
I like that cuz

Nick 9:27
that shit was helicon comic accurate. For the most part like it, it really invoked that. Dark Knight Returns. Like that aesthetic. And I mean, to Ben Affleck looks fucking amazing in that thing. What I loved about it the most though, is Ben Affleck.

Batman 9:51
Looks like there’s no padding under it. No,

Unknown Speaker 9:54
there is like Look, I don’t think there’s zero

Batman 9:56
that you have shredded jack for Batman. And he’s still like, you can tell you Can’t like get rid of it now. And he’s just stuck in this weird like, Well, yeah, I don’t work out that much anymore. But all this muscle is still here somehow so he like walks around. He can’t move his shoulders.

Nick 10:10
He’s still fucking whoa as fuck. And it’s a straw

Kalvin 10:13
at Dunkin Donuts the other day.

Nick 10:15
I did no shame. I mean people drop shit. Like he dropped the ball with his marriage. plugin low blow there. Yeah, okay, I’m gonna stop saying fucking from here on out. Here’s my challenge to you and myself.

Unknown Speaker 10:32
We’re gonna try the word fucking on the word cloud.

Nick 10:35
It’s probably already gonna be the biggest word. Thanks a lot. COVID

Kalvin 10:41
100% gonna be the biggest word this week. I really hope so. It’s gonna

Nick 10:45
it’s gonna be Batman fucking Joker pouches and I probably talk a lot about pouch. You know, Matt bats, probably some bats to Chin’s we’re gonna get into some Chin’s but

Kalvin 10:59
usually not the biggest words usually the second or third?

Nick 11:02
That one was I mean, it’s been pretty big because I say it all the time.

Batman 11:06
Yeah. All right.

Nick 11:07
I just love saying

Unknown Speaker 11:09
Fox now.

Nick 11:11
But fucking Skagit Valley last one out. But I love that the suit isn’t over exaggerated. Like it doesn’t like something Val Kilmer suit really pissed me off about is it that dude looked like he had a thumb from like his neck up. It was just a thumb. It’s Yeah, why does fuck it didn’t make any sense to me. Whereas, pretty much everything on Ben Affleck is really contoured. It’s not you know, he doesn’t have extra fins and all that shit. Right? But the best part about it is it’s practical as fuck it is bulletproof. At least in the helmet. It can. At least right off the helmet. He gets dumbed he does get stabbed he you know it has quite a bit of resistance. But that’s pretty uniform if you stab Batman and he’s gonna feel it like that dude gets stabbed or attempted stabbed. Often throughout all the mediums and his really his gauntlets and his boots slash gadgets like his whole aesthetic is dope but the fact is like his gloves had you know the built in not brass knuckles but carbon fiber knuckles. Yeah, is what you would say it is. And he’s a he’s got a

Batman 12:30
lot of tech going on in what looks like a very simplistic suit. There’s there’s a lot more to it. And the utility belt does a lot of heavy lifting there.

Nick 12:40
That and what he utilizes it the best I think, especially in combat it seems more natural for for Ben Affleck’s character, you know, version of Batman than any other one I’ve seen.

Kalvin 12:55
Yeah, I agree. I like that pic.

Unknown Speaker 12:57
I like it too.

Batman 12:58

Kalvin 13:01
yeah, did you have a What do you have for the best sitting ups? For a man? randomly?

Unknown Speaker 13:08
Fucking Batman Returns? Oh, there’s a there’s a fucking I didn’t even notice I did it. Thank you.

Batman 13:18
So Batman Returns is the only one I didn’t watch over this month because I watched it in December when we were doing the Christmas adjacent movies. So right so when I didn’t rewatch right now. Oh, does he have a good suiting up scene there? Well,

Nick 13:32
the reason I think it’s a solid suiting up scene is because he’s just like a regular, normal, normal guy outside of being you know, Batman and billionaire. But he just has his suit on like regular ass hangers. And he has just 10 pairs of boots and gloves and in you know, bat suits that are made of rubber, I think.

Batman 13:54
Yeah, I don’t remember what those ones are. But so that’s what I was gonna say when you’re talking about the Batman Forever suit is that it was 50 pounds of black rubber pretty much. So that’s why it gets that look and feel like a giant dick is what you wanted to say. But you said thumb for some reason.

Nick 14:11
I don’t know why. Spy Kids. I’ve been thinking about Spy Kids often.

Batman 14:16
Yeah. And so that that’s why that one looks so unwieldly and I think they they the the Batman and Robin one was still rubber, but I think they found ways to make it a little more movable. But Val camera was rough moving around in his suit.

Nick 14:34
Well, yeah, I mean, he did not look comfortable. So it was just something I thought was great. Because it was so simple. You know, he just yeah, I mean, he has it hidden in like a vault. It’s not even all that hidden, but it’s an insult for sure. And he just walks in, gets dressed and then he walks out. So it’s like so that’s how it happens.

Unknown Speaker 14:56
Yes, Batman gets dressed just like you one leg at a time. It’s not instant.

Batman 15:02
So I went with Batman 1989 I like the classic style back to like 99 for the best bat suit, not for the suiting up. I’ll get to the suiting up in a minute. He had the big cape that he could glide around with just kind of terrify bad guys, making himself look much bigger than him like Keaton’s not a big guy, but he’s got the big cape, he can kind of swoop in on you. It’s got a lot of stuff going on in the utility belt, which is a lot. That’s important. You gotta have a good utility belt.

Nick 15:30
If you’re Batman, fuck yeah, that’s like 60% of his persona,

Batman 15:34
as the Batman v Superman one, as you mentioned, like I like that one too, but I didn’t want to put it here because I’ve got Batman v Superman somewhere else. I it has the perfect combination function and style. In the end. I think that’s why it wins. The Nolan trilogy is probably the most functional, but it looks basic. As in like Batman is a basic bitch in the Nolan trilogy.

Nick 15:57
I disagree. super hard to

Batman 15:59
tactical, it’s too black. I like the yellow insignia in the middle. I like all that. I like the classic look with a little bit of flair to it. I feel like the Nolan trilogy doesn’t have any flair in it.

Nick 16:12
See, I feel like the Nolan trilogy is more exaggerated. That’s kind of what I meant by the extra tactical, you know, it’s just Yeah, super.

Batman 16:22
Like you can tell it’s our one.

Nick 16:24
I really hate the way it cuts his face. Like he looks like he has a big ass caption.

Kalvin 16:28
The cowl is rough.

Nick 16:29
It’s not tight, but it’s not the best in battles. You said Batman Returns.

Kalvin 16:35
No, Batman,

Nick 16:37
Batman. It’s not the best in Batman either. It’s, I mean, it looks cool in the shadows, so dope in the shadows, but out of the shadows, which is a you know, super tight ninja turtle theme. It doesn’t look that great. It looks like a Neanderthal basically had a form fitting rubber suit poured over.

Batman 16:57
I mean, he moves roughly in it, but I’m just looking at the suit in itself, right.

Nick 17:02
That’s what will I mean, aesthetically, that’s what it looks like.

Batman 17:05
If you say so. I mean, we’re we’re free to disagree here. And I think I think the Schumacher suits, they get the look like they’ve got some cool looks. If you disregard the nipples Alright, let’s just disregard the nipples for a minute.

Nick 17:18
But could you disregard the nipples Kevin,

Batman 17:20
but just made out of the heavy rubber and they’re not functional of all functional at all for Batman thing, which is important. And then like you have to add the nipples back on when you’re considering Okay, is this actually cool? And I just really I love the all black with the yellow bat symbol in the middle. It’s simplistic but it’s still super stylish. Okay, so I’m glad

Nick 17:38
I’m not disagreeing with you. I I think it’s fantastic. I love it. That’s all. I just think the cow on that suit. The only imperfection I can find is the cow. It just looks like a crow. Man.

Batman 17:53
What else the going back to Batman v Superman for a minute because I’m looking at my Batman shelf right now. It has hints of the 90s cartoon the animated series with just the old gray, the black bat. Obviously the black bat is taken more from Batman Returns but that or not, I’m sorry, The Dark Knight Returns. But just that kind of gray all grey suit. I like that. I like the old gray suit. I think you’re actually right on this but again, I got to use Batman v Superman later.

Nick 18:21
That’s fair. It’s they really did a great job with it. And the fact it’s not a muscle suit really stands out. I mean, being six three, and he’s probably pushing 252 60

Kalvin 18:34
especially in that movie. Yeah,

Nick 18:36
yeah, he’s

Kalvin 18:36
fucking LeBron wearing Batman suit is what he is.

Nick 18:40
right but five minutes is shorter and

Kalvin 18:43
set the effort.

Nick 18:45
You did or me? I did. I was gonna say I didn’t even realize

Batman 18:50
I had a quick honorable mention to the Batman and Robin snowsuits. I always love those silver accents.

Yeah, super

Kalvin 18:57

Nick 18:58
Dude, I still have one of those action figures. I have the fucking damos I had the I have the Robin one.

Batman 19:05
I’ve got so I had a at Colby Mac on Twitter our boy Colby told me he brought I was talking about when I was watching these two movies and he brought up that he had the action figures I still have I’ve got the Batgirl in that suit. I’ve got the Robin somewhere in that suit and then I’ve got a different Robin from that movie too. I’ve got a Mr. Freeze from that movie. I’ve got a poison ivy from that movie. I had a Bane but I don’t see it up there just might not have made the shell I don’t think I ever oh I did have a Batman it was it was like one of the Quick Change ones. Oh you take off the cowl and Bruce Wayne would be underneath so I had that one and he had like the the clip on skates because everything was snow. I really liked the Robin suit best in the Batman Robin snow suits because the blade it’s got the black and silver which is really cool. And then it’s got the the more Nightwing style logo. Yeah, and they’re really going home. are setting him up as Nightwing because that was in the next movie that was planned. He was going to be Nightwing but we never got that.

Unknown Speaker 20:07
Think that way, I guess sucks

Nick 20:14
is that are you just saying that because he said fuck Batman in a live certain live action show?

Unknown Speaker 20:20
Yeah, fuck that guy. That show sucked. He really sucks.

Batman 20:27
Oh shit.

Well, what is the I can’t think of the the guy that they had playing Bruce Wayne and that who is seeing Game of Thrones

Nick 20:40
in what?

Batman 20:40
The guy that had played Bruce Wayne the Titans I have no idea he’s he’s denarius his right hand friendzone dude


Kalvin 20:50
Jorma Thank you

Unknown Speaker 20:52
get your more rod play me Come on.

Kalvin 20:55
Whatever. remembered his name.

Nick 20:57
He plays Bruce Wayne. Yeah,

Batman 20:59
he’s actually solid. It’s only for like an episode like one episode and maybe like a third of another episode.

Nick 21:05
No shit.

Kalvin 21:07
Titan season two. It’s pretty good.

Nick 21:09
I’ll have to check that out. I was interested in Beast Boy but

Unknown Speaker 21:13
Beast Boy Scout support work to do in season two for sure.

Batman 21:17
So my best suiting up scene is from Batman Forever, actually. So again, disregard the nipples for a minute. I like so the opening scene is him suiting up to go out and stop to face right I like that we get a nice look at all the different accoutrements that go into him putting the suit on so like you said you like the downgrade look where he just walks up, grabs that out of the closet and then disappears and then comes out and he’s there. I like it that we actually get to see him pulling on gloves pulling on the boots all that stuff. And then it’s it’s right in the opening of the movie I love when the movies jump straight into Batman in which the Burton and well sorry Batman 89 and Batman Forever and Batman Robin all do a great job of of just right away your first scene is Batman. Batman Returns does not do that it fiddles around with Max Shrek and Penguin and all this other shit first.

Nick 22:08
Oh, yeah, but I that was actually my runner up because I love the the close up look of like all the gadgets.

Kalvin 22:15
Yeah, and the gadgets that was the other thing.

Nick 22:17
Who didn’t love that as a kid? It’s just, you know, you got your fucking dope accessories. I’m dropping the fucking thing. It’s happening.

Kalvin 22:24
Yeah, you’re not doing good at it.

Nick 22:25
I’m terrible. I don’t give a fuck. But yeah, I mean, that shit was dope. I just they really do. You could tell Joe Schumacher felt a sort of way. About uh, he’s like, man, I really need first 30 seconds a close shot. Let me see. Yeah, the shots are codpiece to get that shit in here. That thing is fucking giant.

Batman 22:51
But other than those it works and other than the nipples it works and Batman and Robin gets the most ship for bat nipples. But Batman Forever started the bat nipples. Like let’s not let’s not let Batman Forever off the

Nick 23:04
hook here. Well, I mean at least Val Kilmer was a better Batman Bruce Wayne. I think that’s why it gets a little

Batman 23:10
debatable and we’re gonna have that with me later. But I don’t well so Batman Robin was the worst movie and that’s why it gets more slack so I think people just tack on the bat nipples to everything else that’s wrong with Batman and Robin. And and everybody’s like that you kind of have these rose colored glasses of Batman Forever of it’s it’s very entertaining. And it’s better than Batman and Robin So when you’re looking back at it and you don’t really remember because not a lot of people revisit these movies a lot. You’re thinking well Batman Forever is the good Schumacher one. So it did feel better Schumacher

Nick 23:44
would but I mean those nipples are fucking agree Aegis Dude,

Kalvin 23:48
I don’t disagree. Fuck Alright, so what’s the worst batsuit

Nick 23:53
Batman Forever the nipples the giant copies that should is egregious man. I don’t even care how dumb like it used to look it’s just so agree Aegis and the fact he has. I don’t know he has like a little gadget for everything. And I consider pretty much gadgets to be part of the suit.

Kalvin 24:15
Sometimes they can’t be Yeah.

Nick 24:17
And it ties into I did not like the way it looked the first half of the movie or until he goes into a second. Second.

Batman 24:25
Yeah, when he goes into the second costume the second costume is much better the sonar costume

Nick 24:29
Yes, looks way better. It’s

Batman 24:31
got the accents and everything again i like that

Nick 24:34
i agree with and the yellow symbol. So I mean, it’s it’s his cape looks fantastic. The only thing I can brag on about that is the cow. Like it has like weird too big. It’s too big and it has a weird design along his chin. Yeah, but he if you’re just looking at him. He looks fantastic.

Batman 24:56
I think Val Kilmer has like too square of a head to where the cow Cuz that’s what what I’m thinking that Batman Forever that second cow. It just looks like his head is too wide almost. It’s weird.

Nick 25:07
It’s the neck it’s because it has no I mean he has no like jaw definition or anything it’s like it just yeah spot for his chin to poke out and talk

Batman 25:17
that’s fair and and the Batman Forever that first one in Batman Forever it’s as close to the Batman and Batman Returns as they could be with now making it a giant rubber suit like all one piece rubber and and adding nipples, but it’s the same suit like they tried to make it exactly the same suit because they were going to introduce their own at the end.

Nick 25:38

Batman 25:40
I went with the Dark Knight Rises, I wrote returns but its rises.

Unknown Speaker 25:46
I do hate that fucking suit.

Batman 25:48
Change that real quick. Also, hold on now, because it’s very specific part of The Dark Knight Rises. There’s one scene where he goes to the hospital to get x rays on his knee and shit. But really, he’s there to see Commissioner Gordon and he sneaks down into Gordon’s room wearing his regular ass clothes and a ski mask. This is a bad batsuit I don’t think I need to go further into that.

Nick 26:12
That’s a technicality, but it’s a good one.

Batman 26:15
I didn’t I like most of the suits. I think you’re right with Batman Forever. But again, I’m using Batman Forever somewhere else. And I wasn’t using the Dark Knight Rises anywhere else. So I was like, Alright, let’s throw it here where he’s wearing a fucking ski mask.

Nick 26:28
I think the rises suit. I really just don’t like it because you see in daylight. When you see him in daylight. It’s just like, Man that does not look good

Batman 26:37
on so I think that’s my problem with the whole Nolan trilogy is it’s the same suit. I mean, it changes a little bit. It has a lot of Nice’s because the Dark Knight Yeah, he gets the pieces put in because they’re like better against

Nick 26:53
gunfire articulate.

Batman 26:54
Yeah, you know, you can move around better. Alright, so let’s move to the best that vehicle. I went with the Dark Knight the batpod Oh, bitch. That was awesome, man.

Nick 27:07
Is that is the best. I mean, that’s also what I picked. So let’s just really talk about this because it looks

Batman 27:12
cool. Dude. Hey, so cool. Highly functionable Super maneuverable. In The Dark Knight Rises, we see that the wheels can spin in any direction like they can spin waltz spinning if that makes sense. They can turn while spinning and he can just make 90 degree turns with ease. We see Catwoman doing it and the Dark Knight Rises. It’s got some good weaponry on there.

Nick 27:38
It’s free range to Okay, let me just say this you literally went like point for point. My exact notes. It’s fucking ridiculous. This thing is so dope though it is the best and most practical lowdown. You’re gonna have some destruction associated with your Batmobile. Why not have the bat pod? Which just rocket the fuck out of there? That’s awesome.

Batman 27:59
Exactly. And so I just remember the first time seeing the Dark Knight in the theater. I was completely awestruck. When he rolled out of the batpod when when the the tumbler got destroyed, right. I mean, it’s pretty much everything else with the Dark Knight but like it. I was like, Whoa, what the fuck?

Nick 28:19
What Yeah, I thought he was gonna self destruct for a second when it starts shaking. And then it’s like, oh, and the cinematography of that scene is so perfect.

Batman 28:28
Yeah, when you lashing out and then just haulin ass after the Joker. It’s it’s one of the best scenes in any Batman movie.

Nick 28:34
Oh, absolutely. And the fact he flips a goddamn semi. That is amazing.

Batman 28:39
Yeah. Then he uses it to catch Joker immediately. So you have that, like him crashing the Tumblr. Pulling out in the batpod and then going after Joker and flipping the semi and and then Gordon showing up and actually like, you know, pulling the Joker and arresting him. Spoilers I guess that that that’s a great little five minute stretch.

Nick 29:02
Yeah, it really is. It’s one of the most intense, you know, shooting so good.

Batman 29:10
I have three honorable mentions for the best bat vehicle because there’s so many good bad vehicles. Ooh, ooh. Oh, the ice mobiles and Batman and Robin.

Nick 29:19
The ice mobiles. I don’t even remember those.

Batman 29:22
So Robin’s kind of looked up. He’s got like some weird Zamboni type thing. But Batman’s got this glider with ice shields on it super dope. And then Batgirl has an ice bat cycle, which is doper even more than the bat glider? I think Batman and Robin didn’t do a lot. Right. But I think they hit the nail on the head with the ice bat looks. Everything was super cool with these blueish silver accents.

Nick 29:52
I feel like they just stopped. Yeah,

Batman 29:54
they were like yeah,

we got Mr. Freeze. Let’s design some cool shit and then just call it a day well Whatever else happens is fine. You were there for it. So again, honorable mention number two is Batman 89 Batman Returns one of the best bat looking bat. One of the best looking batmobiles across all media that that first onscreen Batmobile. Oh, it’s

Nick 30:17
fantastic with the jet engine.

Batman 30:19
It’s not it’s it’s not incredibly functional, like some of the other bat vehicles that we’ve been talking about, but it looks awesome. And if I got to ride in Batmobile like some Genie grants me, like, okay, you can ride in any Batmobile? That’s the one I’m picking.

Nick 30:33
I don’t know. I’d probably pick the Tumblr.

Kalvin 30:37
Tumblr almost one worse bad vehicle for me.

Nick 30:39
It is basically a tank.

Batman 30:41
I hate the Tumblr. No, I would pick either the 89 Batmobile or the animated series Batmobile.

Nick 30:48
That’s a good one.

Kalvin 30:49
Those are my two favorites.

Nick 30:50
That is a dope ass toy.

Kalvin 30:52
Yeah, I got it. I got the big one.

Nick 30:54
I figured you were gonna say

Batman 30:56
well, you got a bad cycle from the animated series I didn’t even know existed. Oh, nice. Yeah. I’ll probably have to post a picture of my bat wall for everyone. And then I had for my third honorable mention the Batman Forever. That will be before it gets wrecked. It’s just a cool new look. It’s got like the cool blue. They went deep into the neon blue for Batman Forever. It’s got flames coming out everywhere. Tons of gadgets, food and it’s got a grappling hook in there so it can drive up a wall. Got that symbols on the wheels.

Nick 31:29
What did you say? The fence though, man.

Batman 31:31
The fins are rough but they’re not as rough as Batman and Robin. Like the Batman or Robin batmobiles. Very bad.

Nick 31:38
You don’t say?

Batman 31:40
Speaking of which, let’s talk the worse bad. I went with the Batman 66 bat copter. Not the Batmobile because Batman 66 batmobiles dope too, but the bat copter is bad. Have you ever seen the the 1966 Batman without him last

Nick 31:56
but not the bat copter? I’m not familiar with that. All right, so

Batman 31:59
I kind of just wrote in bat copter before I rewatch this this was the last movie I rewatched it because it was hard to think of a bat vehicle that just outright sucks. But I was right to go with the bat copter. It looks really stupid. Google it right now. They don’t even keep it in the Batcave. They have to call ahead to the Gotham airport and some jabroni is wheeled out onto the jetway forum. And like has

Nick 32:21
wings. The fuck?

Batman 32:23
So this scene it’s the first thing in the movie. They call these guys to wheel out the bat copter forum and it flashes these guys at the airport who are like literally like carrying it and setting it on the tarmac at this airport. It’s the goofiest thing in the world. It barely looks like it could fly. If it was a real life thing. It’s super slow. It’s bright red. And then like they get in the air and they’re talking about bat drift and bat altitude and they drop a bat ladder.

Nick 32:49
And we don’t you mean bad attitude? And no.

Kalvin 32:53
Yeah, maybe it might have been bat bat bat too. Yeah,

Nick 32:57
bad dude.

Batman 32:58


Nick 33:00
that pun was fucking awful. It’s

Batman 33:04
everything in that first scene is everything you love to hate about the campus 16th version of Batman right in your face right away. And it’s really hard to watch that first scene. And and that’s the scene where you get the shark spray. And like I just didn’t remember because I haven’t seen it like 10 years. I didn’t remember that they jumped the shark. So to speak so quickly in this movie.

Nick 33:25
Oh, yeah, they’ve they’re fully on board. Right.

Batman 33:27
And I remember I watched it in 2010 because that’s when I bought the blu ray because I bought it in Milwaukee at one of those places where you could use to be able to sell your DVDs right? Oh, yes. Don’t make anymore yeah. So I went and sold like 100 DVDs. So that copied them all on my hard drive by then. And I was like, Okay, I got 25 bucks for these 100 DVDs. You know, whatever. No, it’s not GameStop it’s it was a little better exchange rate than that. And I got the the full the four movie Tim Burton Joel Schumacher collection and Batman 66 on blu ray is

Nick 34:02
good time. Not worth it. 100 DVDs for that.

Kalvin 34:06
No, no, I had money leftover.

Nick 34:08
I was gonna say I hope it was like 100 copies of Anaconda.

Unknown Speaker 34:13
anaconda don’t want not unless you got

Nick 34:17
if Batman didn’t sing that to Catwoman. He’s a fool.

Kalvin 34:21
What did you have for the worst vehicle even though I’m pretty sure I know what it is.

Nick 34:25
Hit me.

Kalvin 34:27
You think it’s the Batman Robin? bat vehicle?

Unknown Speaker 34:31

Nick 34:31
I that that it’s gonna get awarded later on. But I chose the 1943 Batman The serial, mostly because it’s a cheap car. Yeah. If you ever watched that. I watched a couple of clips for research and it’s okay let

Kalvin 34:51
me the 43 one is superduper racist. It’s fucking Oh Ray dude.

Nick 34:58
I love the suit because It’s an original, you know, homage to the original Batman.

Kalvin 35:04
I don’t think it’s an homage like that was his suit at the time.

Nick 35:07
Right? That is the original Batman suit. And I mean, they pretty much adapted it perfectly on the screen. So

Batman 35:12
I was waiting. I was waiting to bust out the cereal collection. But I had that was my honorable mention here was the 49 serial, which it’s it’s the same car. It’s just a regular ass car, but it’s technically a convertible and when he’s the tops down, and when he’s Batman the tops up, so you can’t see him.

Nick 35:31
Yeah, I mean, he’s got them window tints, and unreal.

Batman 35:36
So when I was a kid, we had there’s two serial collections. There’s 43, and 4940, threes super racist, and they’re the main villain is a Japanese guy who they are trying to stop doing something. I’ve never seen the whole thing. But we have the 49. One were the villains, the wizard, and I’ll get in more on that later, because this all comes back. But they were on VHS, and my dad taped over the side, they had two tapes, my dad taped over the second tape with some like papermaking bullshit, no idea what it was. But we couldn’t watch the whole second team. So we had seen the whole thing through one time when we were probably like, I was five. So we had no idea who the wizard was, because that’s the whole thing is figuring out in my adulthood, having access to Netflix, DVD shipping, I’m like, let me see if they have these. And they did. So at first I got the 43 one. I didn’t know there were two separate ones. So I got the 43 when I start watching it and I’m like, I don’t think this is the one. I don’t remember. I remember all these Japanese saw in the racial slurs they’re throwing at them. And then I looked up knock. Oh, there’s another one. So yeah, if you’re gonna go back and watch these, which they the 49 one is kind of fun. I did. That is something I watched recently. It’s 15 episodes each episode 16 minutes long, so it’s really easy to watch. Go watch the 49 one. It’s a lot of fun. The 43 one is not it’s very hard to watch. I made it through like three episodes. And I’m like, Okay, this isn’t the one. I’m not gonna keep watching this because yeah, it’s it’s brutal.

Nick 37:10
It’s fucking terrible outside of the suit, literally being the only redeeming quality.

Batman 37:15
But you can get that in the 49.

Nick 37:17
Right? So I’m gonna go with that one because the car is a fucking dumper, too. Yeah, I think it’s like three miles to the gallon. It’s a piece of shit Packard, needs to get the fuck out of here. The best part

Batman 37:29
of that, and I think I have this somewhere else in my notes, but I might as well bring it up is in the 49 one like the Oh no, this was on the 66 one hour, so I’ll get to it later. But I

Nick 37:38
mean, the Finns had Batman Forever. That shit is stupid. Dumb dumb as fuck if you’re not as bad as Robin You’re ruining a way better vehicle. That way if you took the fins off that way better. Okay, Fuck this. I have fins. I don’t know. But let’s fish car with the Fishman.

Batman 38:01
Let’s move on to the best bet detective skills. Your turn to go first.

Nick 38:06
The Dark Knight. I mean, he does all kinds of detective he shit.

Kalvin 38:13
Yeah, he does. I mean, what’s your what’s your time to shine here,

Nick 38:18
Nick, tell us about everyone has seen the dark night multiple times. I’m not gonna bore the fuck out of everybody repeating the same thing. They’ve seen a bunch. But I mean, he figures out the plot against the mayor and Commissioner Gordon and all that good stuff. He recreates the bullet in the wall stuff like that. He seems like he’s able to, you know, when they threatened to blow up the hospital and stuff like that. The reconnaissance he’s able to initiate quickly is is pretty fucking sweet. Yeah. And he has fantastic contacts, especially in Commissioner Gordon. You need that in a good detective.

Unknown Speaker 38:57
Thanks, Commissioner.

Nick 38:59
You’re welcome. I actually played Commissioner Gordon in a fucking production recently sweet.

Kalvin 39:06
Yeah, I didn’t need a Batman

Nick 39:08
background Did you would have been way better.

Kalvin 39:12
Shout out to those people who Nick just trashed

Nick 39:14
then. Oh my god. I mean, sorry. It was kind of wack.

Batman 39:20
Oh, he does a lot more investigating in the dark night than probably any other bat movie other than what I’m gonna pick

Unknown Speaker 39:31
it it’s

Batman 39:32
not a focus of bad movies a lot of times for whatever reason, but it does the most Batman Begins he doesn’t do a lot. He kind of stumbles into everything. Dark Knight Rises. He does almost no investigation. He’s just like Baynes here. Catwoman take me to them. Okay, cool. I got my ass kicked. Done.

Nick 39:50
Just that. Let me break my fucking back.

Batman 39:53
Yeah. In the Burton and Schumacher movies. He does no detective work whatsoever.

Nick 40:00
Oh get zero in. I mean the sonar project he has in Dark Knight

Batman 40:05
yeah that I mean that was so when I was considering it that was what I was putting most of the thought towards is the is the sonar project and just figuring that out and utilizing it it’s pretty amazing and also fright terrifying.

Nick 40:18
Yes. It’s it’s amazing though I love the you know, just type in your name,

Unknown Speaker 40:24
put your trust and so on. It’s a boy. Type in your name, the breaker back

Batman 40:30
my best bet detective skills and this is what I was waiting for is the Batman and Robin 1949 cereal collection. And this comes from discovering the wizard and his plan and I won’t spoil who the wizard is. Even though it took me 30 years to figure it out. I will let other people go discover it for themselves. But Batman he’s on point this whole time he’s always thinking two steps ahead of the wizard. Trying to track down leads just always on the mystery trying to figure it out. Like we said in modern movies, he stumbled into the mystery as part of stopping a bigger crime. And they just like oh, well this crime is going on It must be because of this. It’s not it’s not solving anything. It’s like the mysteries. Is there.

Nick 41:13
A dog here your mom’s name is Martha zoo. Yeah shit.

Batman 41:17
That I mean the the serial collection it starts with a real crime there. They’re stealing a machine that kind of remote control any vehicle and it runs on diamonds. But he’s it’s not always about the machine. He’s always just trying to put these puzzle pieces together to solve who stole it and why they stole it and you know, he’s got a deceit there they do this kind of line of diamond heist after they steal the machine to so they can keep it running kind of like Mr. Freeze. Honestly. He’s got to get those diamonds to run his suit. Nice to meet you. He He’s really looking into each one and he’s not just beating up goons until he beats up the right gun. He’s tracking down leads. He’s thinking of things he’s talking it over with Commissioner Gordon talking with Robin, Vicki Valles there as a photographer like they’re all going back and forth trying to figure this out. You know, it’s it’s a lot of fun to watch because it plays out like one big mystery novel more so than any other Batman movie you go watch? Well,

Nick 42:17
I mean, he fits right in with like the noir style of production. I think it’s

Batman 42:25
right. And well, I think it’s a limitation of what you could do in 1949. Like you can’t really have him fly. He the the fight choreography is rough. But so you can put all that work into detective work. And also when you have 15 episodes, which I think I did the math, it’s like four hours. When you have four hours, you have a lot more time to kind of spread that out. And they leave every episode on a cliffhanger. So that kind of builds the point as well. Of course,

Nick 42:52
you got to

Batman 42:54
and this this is what I want out of a modern Batman movie though. Like Can we please just get a real detective movie? But with Batman being the detective think of any movie you’re writing for Denzel Washington right now. And just sub in Batman there.

Nick 43:07
Honestly, I think the Batman is gonna be heavy focus on I hope it is the detective aspect.

Batman 43:13
I just I want to see him searching for clues putting puzzle pieces together and tracking the bad guy down and then stopping him rather than just being like, oh, the Joker is up to his tricks again.

Nick 43:23
I recognize this no fingerprint fingerprint,

Unknown Speaker 43:25
because it’s the Joker’s Batman. The Joker is a madman.

Batman 43:30
I also want to give a honorable mention to the 1966 Batman here. Because you gotta see this work, huh?

Nick 43:38
That is wack as fuck.

Batman 43:39
No, it is but you got to see him put together this mystery that all the villains are working together. It’s absolute insanity. And they happen to be right. So I guess that makes them good detectives. So let me just go through the train of thought here with you because what happens in like the second scene, it’s right after Batman is attacked by the shark in the back copper. So he’s attacked by a shark and exploding shark at sea. So he goes something seems fishy here. Nice. And then goes where there’s fish, the penguin maybe close by. And then Robin pipes up with but it happened at sea, a sea for Catwoman. And Batman back to Batman, Here he goes. But the shark was pulling on my leg, like a joke from the Joker. And then Commissioner Gordon’s hanging out and he goes, it’s all starting to fit together like some sort of riddle. So they take all this shit and put it together. And that’s exactly how like my deadpan delivery of it is exactly how the scene plays out. And I’m not sure if that makes them good detectives or bad detectives. And I still I have no idea. But they figure it out. So it’s got to be good, right?

Nick 44:45
I mean, super solid detectives,

Kalvin 44:48
they take they take very loose threads and tie them together to an actual solution. So

Nick 44:56
it’s I mean, it’s just like looking at the sky and it’s

Unknown Speaker 44:59
like Yeah, I

Nick 45:01
don’t know. That’s That was terrible.

Unknown Speaker 45:03
Covering the sun today. The calendar man must be on. It must be. Yeah,

Nick 45:07
that was a good one. There you go. You’re writing but you should write for these movies. Bring it back Calvin, bring it the fuck back. All right, so

Batman 45:16
who’s your worst bad detective skills?

Nick 45:20
I’m gonna I’m gonna do a bit of return here to Justice League.

Unknown Speaker 45:23
Okay, that’s fine.

Nick 45:25
I’m gonna choose. I’m gonna choose, you know, Ben Affleck’s Batman from Justice League. Mostly. Because how the fuck did he not know about Wonder Woman?

Kalvin 45:37
Yeah, that that’s rough.

Nick 45:38
that one that one really pisses me off that. That’s honestly my lately. He knows

Batman 45:43
Wonder Woman exists by Justice League because he fought with her in Batman v. Superman. You gotta be doing your work there, man. You’ve got to have figured it out in the next two years of what’s really going on with her?

Nick 45:53
Yeah, no shit and he has the ultimate technology and Jeffrey irons. Like, he should figure everything the fuck out

Unknown Speaker 46:00
yet but sucks. He’s doing.

Nick 46:03
Exactly. I think it’s more Alfred is the detective and Batman is just the field tech with the technology. He

Kalvin 46:11
tracks down Barry Allen and Arthur curry though. So there’s that.

Nick 46:14
You know, Alfred’s doing that shit. He’s like, hey, Alford, search for me. And he’s like, Yes, Mr. Bruce. All right.

Batman 46:22
I went with Batman Forever, because he struggles with a very simple riddles. And kind of stumbles into figuring out Edward Inglis Riddler. And Alfred actually did most of the heavy lifting here on this. It’s like a thing. Something now that the answers they have almost are the answers to like the main riddles they don’t actually have anything to do with the ultimate riddle that that nygma is the Riddler other than you have to pick the numbers out but solving those rules didn’t matter. You could open them and see that they all have numbers and put the numbers together and again, Alfred does all that work. And like he still walks right into Nicolas trap and stared at his stupid machine like a doofus when he was inspecting it to let Drew Barrymore turn it back on. So like you got to do better here

Nick 47:12
than I think that’s he doesn’t suck it out of the way anything.

Batman 47:16
Well, like she turns it back on he just stares there and stands there and stares at it like moron like was that two inches to the right.

Nick 47:24
You’ll be fine. Put your hand in front of your eyes.

Batman 47:28
So best back gadget is what we’re on. Now. I go first here, and I am giving out the first ever movie superlatives Legacy Award. This is like the equivalent of those Lifetime Achievement Awards that they give out the Oscars of the Grammys like yeah, Tom Hanks has bet just been in a shitload of good movies. We’re just gonna give him award for being Tom Hanks. So I’m getting the best match him to legacy superlative to the grappling hook.

Nick 47:56
That’s like unlike the category, it easy pick.

Batman 48:00
It’s literally in every single movie that Batman appears in. Maybe not Suicide Squad, but I think Suicide Squad because he likes to catch dead shot. Right? In each iteration. It comes up in its cooler than the light. Like they always find new ways to innovate the grappling hook, which is great. He finds new ways to deploy and utilizes grappling hooks, the batmobiles often have grappling hooks used in some way. So I’m just giving this award to buildings to all grappling hooks in all movies, because without them everyone would have died 1000 times in Batman movies.

Nick 48:34
Yeah, I mean, so many people would have been dropped into acid or from a high height

Batman 48:40
Yeah, or run over by a car that he didn’t you know, scale them up real quick on it. I did have some honorable mentions that I won’t go into detail on because again, this is the Legacy Award. I went with the other ones in contention where the sky hook from the Dark Knight is as dope one super knee brace from Dark Knight Rises. The kryptonite spear from Batman or Superman and the remote control battering in Batman return?

Nick 49:08

Batman 49:08
I like all of those pics. Yeah, those are in consideration but nothing lives up to the grappling hook. So

Unknown Speaker 49:15
I really enjoyed like a sea horde grappling hook. Thank you for saving my ass so many times,

Nick 49:20
so many times. Now. Kilmer has a super dope grappling hook system. Yeah. So what else from the risks though? Was that a? Yes. Yeah, often there is so I feel like he would dislocate his arm all the time. Because I thought it’s definitely like my wrists. Well, no, no,

Batman 49:38
no. in Batman and Robin they have it too. Because Robin has some grappling hooks that he’s using.

Nick 49:43
We’re talking Batman we’re not. I know Robin.

Batman 49:47
I know. I was just thinking the risk one was in Batman and Robin not forever. All right, go on. What’s your best bet gadget?

Nick 49:53
Best bad gadget is the instant costume change lever in the 1966 Batman The fact they can jump on a pole, hit this lever on their way down.

Unknown Speaker 50:03
And the pole.

Nick 50:05
I mean,

Unknown Speaker 50:07
but not Robbins pole. What?

Nick 50:11
Where do we go? I honestly enjoy for aerobic exercise. You’ve never pulled dance before Calvin. It’s fantastic gives you great core strength. You know?

Batman 50:21
should I worry about my vain voice too? I would have been really good. I can’t voice No. Now I have to like cover my mouth when I do it. That really would have thrown the volume mix off. thrown the volume up.

Nick 50:34
But anyway, that is so convenient. I’ve

Kalvin 50:36
dropped it the darkness was born into it. That’s pretty good.

Nick 50:39
That’s actually a pretty good one.

Kalvin 50:41
All right. That’s all I got. Like I couldn’t say other things in that voice.

Nick 50:46
How many times have you practiced?

Kalvin 50:48
Literally that was probably like the third time I’ve ever done it.

Nick 50:52
Right 33rd time.

Kalvin 50:54
What’s your best bet gadget? Sorry, I got sidetracked.

Nick 50:57
It’s the costume change. Oh, yeah, that’s right from Bevin. 1966. That is so convenient. I mean, you think Time is of the essence for Batman. I mean, honestly, fuck the grappling hook if you can’t protect your identity, you know, you can’t say people because you’re stuck in the Batcave this and that in a fire pole. Joe. I mean, the fact that incorporates the fire pole as well. is just a 10 out of 10. Batman’s gonna have fun too, you know? I mean, should every time he runs out to solve a crime? He’s probably like, Well, let me hit that. And I’m immediately in my Batman suit. What if you got you know, you’re covered in disgusting things. You just hit this lever. Boom. You got a clean set of clothes on? You’re all good.

Batman 51:41
Yeah, you got it. You got a girl there that won’t take the hit. Boom. Now I’m Batman.

Unknown Speaker 51:45
I’ll get you out of here. Oh, get us out. Oh, my grappling hook. It’s done with your steak as well. That’s really terrible. Tell Bruce He’s a fucking asshole. I will on it. But you’re a bitch. He said you were totally laid back.

Nick 52:14
played all these scenarios. Totally.

Batman 52:21
And so that’s another thing

is like Batman, Batman and Bruce Wayne like Vicki Vale? Is this close to figuring out that they’re the same person? Right? So he does all this shit that makes him seem like they’re like close friends. So he’d be like, Oh, yeah, Bruce Wayne. He’s a great guy. And then Bruce Wayne back. Oh, yeah, that Batman. He’s He’s really something.

Kalvin 52:42
So let’s move to the worst back gadget. Batman and Robin the bat credit card.

Batman 53:07
Oh, wait, wait, I’m

Nick 53:09
in the same movie. No, I’m in the same movie. But yeah, that’s pretty white. They just slapped a Batman what bank

Kalvin 53:15
is Batman line of credit? How is he gonna establish it? What collateral does Batman have?

Nick 53:21
Probably Deutsche Bank

Batman 53:22
isn’t going isn’t going in the storm buying things with his bank credit card or is it just there for hot chick auctions? To send an alpha to the stories mail ordering bad things.

Nick 53:34
I see. You know, I’ve seen him in Macy’s when I was a security guard. He buys very new man weird underwear. I don’t know where I was going with that. But he says

Unknown Speaker 53:47
do you guys so these double XL. You know? He’s got a big package but not as big as mine. I need a song because chafing.

Batman 54:00
There’s just so many questions that the bank credit card raises and none of them are necessary or worthwhile to explore so it’s, that’s wrong. But it’s it’s fucking useless. So what is your worst back gadget before I go and spin in and ride here for Batman and Robin?

Nick 54:16
What the fuck would you use that for you driving through McDonald’s? You’re

Unknown Speaker 54:19
like put it on my card. The backyard. Think of a big back.

Nick 54:26
I just checked him to start showing your kids every time you did that.

Unknown Speaker 54:29
You see this is the backyard.

Nick 54:32
Back gadget. Worse back gadget is the plastic lips used by Robin

Kalvin 54:38
row. They work more than the back credit card.

Nick 54:41
It’s just dumb as fuck, man. I agree. He looked like he had lip gloss on from a mile away. He think he’s not like or poison ivy. He’s not like a like she’s what’s on your list? Yeah. Yeah, she’s just like, Listen here, nipples. Get over here. He’s like, Alright, I’m here now. What’s up? And yeah, I just thought that was fucking dumb. Like, why don’t you just not kiss her? Yeah, why don’t you be a man and fuckin but yeah, just walk

Batman 55:12
like you’re on the fucking plant with her just arrest or do whatever you’re doing anyway like why do you have to kiss her in that situation?

Nick 55:20
Just fucking whoop her ass. Yeah, she’s a supervillain it counts like it’s cool.

Unknown Speaker 55:24
Well back girls on our way, it’s fine.

Kalvin 55:28
So hear me out for as long wait,

Nick 55:30
wait till Becker gets here, then it’s fucking on.

Batman 55:35
Hear me out for a second here. Some people, they might might want to fast forward for the next three minutes or so. But I’ve got to spin because it’s my contention that Batman and Robin actually holds up pretty well. The hell is just wait. It’s completely campy and over the top. But everyone in the movie is doing exactly what they need to do. At the exact level they need to do it in order to actually make this work because just listen, let’s think about this. This is a movie about two guys who dress up as a bat in a bird and later a girl who also joins them dressing up like a bat trying to stop a man that was frozen so badly. He has to stay in a perpetual state of freezing temperatures in this big ass suit that runs on diamonds just to survive while on his own mission to save his cryogenically frozen wife with a terminal illness illness and because he can’t save her. Now he just wants to freeze the whole the whole city instead, so they can live freely together. Meanwhile, a lady that has somehow been imbued with the ability to control plants and create violent mutant hybrid animal plants and make men fall in love with her with these pheromones and can also kiss them to death decides that she wants to rid the world of humanity so plants can better survive. And she brings along her meathead powered by an illegal concoction of snake venom and other poisons to help her out and these two people the the plant lady, and the guy that wants to freeze the earth seemingly completely disparate plots here decide they’re going to work together. Right that that’s this move. In a nutshell,

Nick 57:12
that’s literally like every Batman story ever. It’s the execution but

Batman 57:16
that’s all the script. No, that’s all the script that’s that’s the craziness. Joker being crazy in The Dark Knight is none of these levels of crazy, right? Bane in Dark Knight Rises, none of these Ra’s al Ghul. In Batman Begins none of these Joker in Batman 89 is not this the penguin in Batman Returns is none of this. This is all the script. And apparently. And and so like, that’s not great. Okay? That that all this is what’s jammed into this movie. But that’s what the movie is. And that’s what these actors have this director have to work with. And apparently, in this movie, The script was like this because the studio insisted it be more quote unquote, toy yedek. Against toys. Yeah. Schumacher would often yell before takes. Remember everyone, this is a cartoon. So like that everyone involved knows what it is. And so at that point, you can only play this Campion over the top. Because if you try and play this straight, if anyone of this movie tries to play it straight, it’s going to be even more terrible than it actually is. Because it doesn’t make any fucking sense. And there’s no way to play this straight. where people are acting like how real people would act. You need agreements and bad puns in the super manufactured conflict between Batman and Robin in a vein that can barely speak and Huma Thurmond just oozing sexiness with absolutely no substance, and crystal Donald doing whatever the hell it is. He does. And there needs to be an underground motorcycle race that’s operated by Coolio like

Nick 58:46
it’s outlandish for but if you didn’t give me that four and a half minutes of backstory, it doesn’t matter. It’s a bad movie.

Unknown Speaker 58:53
But can you have an agile

Batman 58:54
sales Batman in this movie? No. Absolutely not. Because

Nick 58:57
you can’t, you would be beating the shit out of everyone. Right?

Batman 59:00
You can’t put this realistic guy in this in this weird script.

Nick 59:05
That’s fair, though. I mean, I it holds a special place in my heart.

Batman 59:07
Yeah, even if this is the script you’re given, you can only at that point steer into it. And I think everyone does a perfect job of doing exactly that. They make this movie the best that it could have possibly been if anybody else is doing this. I don’t think I don’t think it works because it works on a level if you’re if you’re looking at it as entertainment. It does not work on a level as like this is a good plot or story or anything else obvious. But at the end of the day, it’s still super fun to watch. No, it is disagree. It is it’s fun.

Nick 59:41
No, no.

Kalvin 59:42
Well, Coby Mac agrees with me. So that’s all that matters.

Nick 59:45
I guess so.

Batman 59:47
So we’re ready to give out the last award. Let’s give out the best Batman then we’ll go to Twitter before the worst Batman. So who do you have for best Batman and best Bruce Wayne?

Nick 1:00:01
So for best Batman, I chose Batman Begins.

Kalvin 1:00:06
I can see that.

Nick 1:00:07
I think it’s I’d like the suit and that one, it’s a little more simplistic. He’s just getting involved in stuff. He does a lot of gliding. And, you know, you see a lot of his grappling hook stuff there and shout out crackheads. I just really did Christian Bale’s performance in that one. It’s a little more subtle. And it’s, uh, you know, he doesn’t rely necessarily so much on his gadgets. It’s a lot of, you know, brute force and stuff like that. Plus, he was just, he was jacked in that movie. Yeah. And the best Bruce Wayne, by far hands down. Not even an argument is Michael Keaton. That’s true in either of the Batman or Batman Returns movies. I

Batman 1:00:46
think he’s better than 89. In fact, I

Nick 1:00:48
agree with you. I agree with you. He is so good, dude.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:52
It’s ridiculous.

Batman 1:00:53
So I liked what you’re doing with Batman in Batman Begins. I like that we saw the real full origin, not just the death of his parents, him falling into the cave, and then boom, he’s Batman. Like, we got all the League of shadows, shit, we got his training, we got him really becoming Batman, not just Well, my parents died 20 years ago. So now I dress up and fight crime. Like that you have the Okay, I’m gonna go live on the streets and be a criminal. To see how that works. I’m going to start to give away all my worldly possessions. Not give away but leave all my worldly possessions behind and, you know, steal food because I’m hungry. And live in a prison because I got caught. You know, I think that’s really cool.

Nick 1:01:36
Yeah, it’s, I mean, it’s very realistic. And it’s something I always felt Batman would do. Like they they gloss over how he got to be Batman and it. They insinuate A lot of times, it’s just because he’s rich as fuck, but it’s, I mean, it’s decisions he but anybody can make rich. Right? Not everyone can be Batman.

Batman 1:01:55
Exactly. I mean, any, anybody has the potential to be rich. Right? Not in in that obviously, there are other structures in place that won’t allow a lot of people to be rich, but any anybody has that potential to become rich? Yeah, no

Nick 1:02:11
doubt. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps Batman,

Unknown Speaker 1:02:15
I got, I don’t have straps on my boots, three buckles. goes on.

Nick 1:02:21
I’m getting a little older. arthritis in my hands. It’s

Batman 1:02:24
very bad. My best Batman was Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice, justice. And I think this is truly Batman at the height of his powers. He’s using all of his intellect to track and attempt to defeat Superman, which is what you need, you need. This guy who’s always planning always has a contingency for his contingencies. And at the end of the day, I think Batman is a strategist above all else, you know, he has all the gadgets, he’s strong, but he’s got to have that strategy, and especially when now he’s on the level of Gods among men, right? He’s got to bring down he’s got to be able to bring down Superman, and he spends most of Batman v Superman planning for the eventuality that he will need to take down Superman. And then he fucking does. He wins this fight. It only stops because DC writers in the 40s only knew one name for a woman, right? We’re just gonna give everybody’s monster named Martha. And I don’t mean those battles never cause problems.

Nick 1:03:18
No, never.

Kalvin 1:03:19
This will never come back to bite us in the sad years down the road. No,

Nick 1:03:23
none when we’re trying to launch a universe to rival marvel that pisac company, but I mean, I really enjoyed Affleck’s Batman.

Batman 1:03:32
Watching him mow down goons in that warehouse. Oh, dude, that’s the buckets and never not gonna cool.

Nick 1:03:38
Yeah. And I think every watch that 10 times.

Batman 1:03:41
That’s where Justice Lee went wrong to Well, I mean, one place where they went wrong. They went a lot wrong, but they didn’t let batfleck fight any real people.

Nick 1:03:50
It was all CG.

Batman 1:03:50
It was all the paratroopers or the pair of demons or whatever.

Nick 1:03:55
So like guns, yeah.

Batman 1:03:56
him fighting in that warehouse was awesome. And then even the nightmare scene in Batman v Superman was it had a great fight sequence out of Batman in the Extended Cut? You know, he’s using guns and anything else at his disposal to escape from Superman, but Superman gets to him. Um, I just I liked at foot. Like Affleck. He took this role to be Batman. Bruce Wayne. Didn’t matter. He didn’t need to noticed in Batman v. Superman. And I’m cool with that. Because it was one hell of a Batman performance.

Nick 1:04:30
Dude, it was so good. Like he physically looked like it and he I mean, he fought like it too. Like that’s how Batman should fight. Yeah, Christian Bale standard three fucking moves. Or,

Batman 1:04:42
you know the Korea grenda should have his hand with Bane and Dark Knight Rises is pretty great.

Nick 1:04:47
It’s okay, but it took him three nearly six hours to fucking get there. He uses the same three moves throughout the first two movies.

Batman 1:04:55
So I first saw Batman vs Superman in theaters and then they I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the theatrical cut, really at all. And then they released the Extended Cut. And I watched the Extended Cut on my tablet in the hospital while waiting for my second daughter to be born. So I’m not completely locked in. So it was really interesting to watch it again for real this time, like on my TV with all the sound everything, because I missed a lot of this movie, or I just didn’t remember it. And so I’m watching in the beginning of the Extended Cut doesn’t even feel like a movie. It’s just kind of a bunch of scenes smashed together. And Justice League has a lot of that going on in it too. And we’ll get back to justice. If there’s no narrative connection between like just a scene happens and then we go to Gotham and a scene happens there. And then we go to the desert and a scene happens there. And then we’re back in Metropolis and a scene happens there and then we’re back in Gotham. And like, I kind of liked the manic energy of Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. I kind of liked it. He was he was going for the teetering on obsessive insanity. And I think he kind of nailed that. No. Hello? No, I’m here.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:07
You don’t like it?

Nick 1:06:08
No, I just I I fucking hate it. I like it physically makes me want to yell.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:15
I think I physically make me want to yell

Nick 1:06:17
good. You should do it. Sometimes.

Batman 1:06:19
It’s really convoluted as fuck, but he played Superman Batman like fiddle and he set them up from square one to be at each other’s throats.

Nick 1:06:28
not buying it.

Batman 1:06:29
Have you seen the Extended Cut

Nick 1:06:31
the three hour? Nope.

Batman 1:06:32
So it’s a little more coherent here. Not much but a little more coherent, you can see the pieces falling into place a little bit better. He just kind of hates Superman and wants everyone to think that him just being around causes mass destruction and death. And he also he lets Clark Kent believe that Batman is purposely setting up prisoners to die. Kind of taking these taking the Justice into his own hands so that Superman has no choice but to stop Batman. And you know, Luther knows the whole time that a clash with Batman is probably going to be the only thing that could stop Superman. Well, at least before he creates Doomsday, once he created students, they have anything it’s that and none of this really works or is played out really in the theatrical cut and it kind of sucks for that. But Luther is playing you get a better sense of it in the Extended Cut.

Nick 1:07:24
That mean they can clear all that up with a conversation.

Batman 1:07:28
It takes a tumble but yeah, that’s all. I mean, it’s Batman v Superman. There’s problems with it. Obviously, I just always thought the weirdest thing in Batman vs. Superman was the concerted effort the movie made to make sure the audience knew they weren’t inflicting any collateral damage. Like all the characters weren’t inflicting collateral damage on the cities and whatever. It was the overreaction to all the idiots on the internet who couldn’t find actual criticisms, a man of steel because Man of Steel is actually really good. I love Manchester. Yeah. And so but people wanted to not like it. So all of a sudden they went with will look how much damage Superman caused. And that’s the only criticism they can come up with. Before 2013. No one ever considered structural damage to a city during a superhero movie. It didn’t happen. I was there. I’ve watched every superhero movie. Nobody gives a shit.

Nick 1:08:19
Yeah, pretty much all of

Batman 1:08:21
a sudden now everyone’s super concerned about the buildings and Metropolis has feelings.

Unknown Speaker 1:08:24
That’s not the goddamn point. Doesn’t matter.

Batman 1:08:29
And I liked the idea of like playing it as a city that’s recovering from trauma. But the weird concerted effort of every superhero movie because it happens in age Voltron to have the next three to five years every superhero movie, we have to hear this random shoehorn in throwaway line of like that islands uninhabited, or the ports abandoned or everyone is out of the building. We can go in there and fight now or Hey, I called ahead the city’s been evacuated. We’re good we can fight here. Like it just feels weird. And I didn’t I don’t I don’t I think we’re getting away from that again now, which is good, but it was just really weird for a stretch

Nick 1:09:05
there. It’s just too convenient.

Batman 1:09:08
Yeah. And I think I kind of like Batman vs. Superman after rewatching the Extended Cut and words coming yet check the Extended Cut. It’s good. I don’t know if it I think it’s on HBO max.

Nick 1:09:21
There you go.

Batman 1:09:21
So yeah, check the Extended Cut. If you haven’t seen the Batman vs. Superman Extended Cut, you have to at least give it a chance before fully grading the movie because the Extended Cut is much better. I sound like like one of these fucking Blade Runner film guys.

Nick 1:09:35
You know, Calvin the 14th DVD release is actually the Canon version.

Batman 1:09:46
The Extended Cut is just a better movie and it’s a complete movie, but theatrically released never felt like a complete movie. Most of their movies

Nick 1:09:54
don’t leave movies.

Batman 1:09:56
I agree with best Bruce Wayne on Michael Keaton. He’s got that manic energy. And like the distance stoicism that can only belong to someone else pretends to be a bat and beats the shit out of mentally ill criminals. And that scene with when they’re in Vicki vales apartment Joker shows up, and it’s Keaton it’s Bruce Wayne. They’re not Batman. And he just smashes the thing with the fireplace poker Come on. Let’s get nuts. Like that’s, that’s perfect Bruce Wayne cuz like he’s got to put himself out there to make sure Joker knows he’s legit and is you know a worthy foe and and to bring the focus onto him rather than Vicki Vale. And it’s so much fun to watch Keaton being that

Nick 1:10:34
right. Or being I know who you are. I love that part. Yeah,

Batman 1:10:37
Bruce Wayne’s really hard to pull off Clooney and Kilmer like they don’t get there on any of that. I think Christian Bale. I think he’s good. But you don’t get into the full insanity that Bruce Wayne would go through. No, he

Nick 1:10:50
looks the part but he’s just too well put together. Yeah, if that makes sense. like Michael Keaton is just so good dude.

Batman 1:10:57
Anything bale does is Bruce Wayne directly impacts his life as Batman. He’s only being Bruce Wayne to service Batman. We don’t Delve too deep into who Wayne actually is other than his love for Rachel. You know, and then Adam last is Adam last night. Oh, there’s nothing in the 66 film can really be taken serious. Athletes didn’t get a lot of time to flex is Bruce Wayne. He gets a little more in Justice League. But not too much. You know, he’s got those good moments with Barry Allen and with Arthur curry. But again, Bruce Wayne’s just there as a proxy for Batman. And I think that’s something that the Burton films did really well as they allow the actors to build Bruce as a completely different character outside of Batman and Michael Keaton was the best of this.

Nick 1:11:41
Well, it’s two sides of the same coin right of just Batman and like, his shadow.

Batman 1:11:47
Exactly. I want to give a special acknowledgement here to Alfred and Commissioner Gordon in the Burton Schumacher movies. So played Alfred played by Michael go and Commissioner Gordon played by Pat hingle. They were the only people to be in all four movies. So shout out to you guys.

Nick 1:12:10
Reverse shout out. No, because no one else is in all four movies. Anyway.

Batman 1:12:14
No, here is the reverse special acknowledgement. It’s Alfred in the 66 Batman. Because Bruce Wayne is like there’s the scene where he’s hooking up with Selina Kyle, but he has to ask Alfred and Robin to keep an eye on the date in case anything’s going fishy because he thought she was gonna slip on a banana peel or something very long story about solving a riddle and none of it makes sense. Not important, but they’re they’re like listening in on his date. And Robin, he’s a good dude. He wants to turn off the monitor when Bruce starts getting it in with Catwoman and Alfred reassures them that this is what Bruce wants Bruce wants them watching all the time, which just begs the question How often is Alfred the perv spying on Bruce’s escapades? Because he’s like, really he’s like Robin Robin tries several times to turn off now offers like nah, dude, it’s cool. It’s cool.

Nick 1:13:00
He’s like, this makes me really uncomfortable Alfred and he’s like, I don’t care. Where

Batman 1:13:07
I feel like we should have had a best bat helper category.

Nick 1:13:10
Best Alfred. I mean probably but we can’t get into that because I’ll talk about Alfred for anybody. Even

Batman 1:13:15
if you if you stretch it the best bet Alfred. You include Robins then are best bat helper. you conclude Robin’s bat woman’s family member? Yeah. I mean, I think Commissioner Gordon in the Nolan verse takes it hands down. But yeah. All right. So let’s go to Twitter. We asked who’s the best Batman? leave comment for a shout out on this week’s episode we the options on the poll. That’s at APA something you can also follow Nick at alone underscore podcast. Obviously, we’re Michael Keaton, Ben Affleck, Adam West and other I specifically left off Christian Bale. So we’d get some some flow and some comments here. Because I knew a lot of people will vote for Christian Bale. Christian Bale Michael Keaton wins with 50% better. Yeah, close. Ben Affleck 19.3% Adam West somehow pulls 17% and other 13% Yeah. So top dad podcast at top dad says why would anyone pick Ben Affleck? I thought that was just there. So people remember he played Batman. I mean, Ben Affleck’s an amazing Batman. He’s pretty sure Hormel we just talked about in poor taste that in poor taste pot the guy who didn’t play Batman because Batman is lame and boring. Your podcast is lame and boring.

Unknown Speaker 1:14:28
That’s what I’ve got to say about that.

Batman 1:14:31
I’ve actually never listened to the import taste packet podcast. It might be good. I don’t know. But Batman doesn’t like it apparently.

Nick 1:14:38
Yeah, Batman, crime and music at crime

Batman 1:14:41
and music. Thomas Wayne from Flashpoint like that. That’s a great point. But you know, I should have specified only live action performances here

Nick 1:14:48
at Calvin

Batman 1:14:49

Kalvin 1:14:51
Flashpoint is real fucking he’s a good Batman.

Nick 1:14:54
He looks dumb as shit like his for his chin. suits. dope.

Batman 1:14:57
I was gonna say the suit is one of the best Yeah, strikes my fancy podcast that strikes me fancy George Clooney with a laughing emoji which I’m hoping this person is being sarcastic because

Unknown Speaker 1:15:08
it sucks. sucks. It sucks. It sucks.

Batman 1:15:14
Word salad radio at word salad radio goes to Kevin Conroy again. Animated Batman doesn’t count here but thanks for your participation. TV tangents at TV tangents pod. We got a Michael Keaton vote there with a nice GIF. GIF.

Unknown Speaker 1:15:29
It’s a GIF. It’s a goddamn joke. It’s a GIF. I’m the creator of this deck. I just know what he’s talking about. Batman knows it’s a pac man doesn’t know shit back if

Batman 1:15:41
fuck Paul bowler at Paul underscore bowler Michael Keaton’s understated performance is still my favorite. I really like Tim Burton Burton Stark Catholic looking Batman films. Yeah, we’ve we’ve gone over that.

Nick 1:15:51
I agree.

Batman 1:15:52
Yeah, I agree. I the look of Gotham is by far the best in those movies. It’s very personally,

Nick 1:15:59
it’s a personal thing for me. I’m not a fan, but I think it’s rich. Like creatively. It’s very rich.

Batman 1:16:05
Yeah. Self shoots from the hip podcast that self shoots. He gives bail a vote. Shout out bail. Tennis podcast first. Tune in next week, we’ll have a guest host from the tennis podcast. His name is Nick as well. So that’ll be really easy for me. He’ll be here talking Seinfeld next week. So come by for that. It’ll be a lot of fun. He posts a GIF of he posts a GIF of Adam West. taken me from all vs DC at me for Marvel Vs DC. Ben Affleck for me and gave off some really strong The Dark Knight Returns vibes. I think we mentioned that as well. With his portrayal of Bruce that I loved he was grittier and you could tell that he had been through a lot. Keaton’s is the closest second but I’ll take that flick. Strong agree.

Nick 1:16:54
Yes. Big time.

Batman 1:16:57
Ryan Oh, Terry at RL Terry one. Keaton and Burton delivered my delivered a Batman Bruce that felt like he leapt right off the pages of a comic book or graphic novel had the look. mannerisms and exaggerated action. He was fun. He took himself seriously in this iconic role. Again, I think we agree on that. With our Keaton love that we’ve already had. So good jvd of crossover collision villain at villains demand. That is another batfleck GIF. Can we love batfleck k dub at pG TCKN I know it’s not a popular opinion, but I like the bat. The Ben Affleck Batman. It’s really hard to read Ben Affleck and then say Batman all like I just it’s just batfleck Okay,

Nick 1:17:40
it’s kind of a Yeah, it doesn’t work. It’s been baffling since he was announced.

Batman 1:17:45
He isn’t responsible for the writing quote. My mom’s name is Martha cough cough. I enjoy the older kind of over it seemed too much. Batman, Bruce Wayne. Yep. Yeah, definitely. timika Frasier at Frasier timika, another bail vote. That’s just a picture of Christian Bale. So if you like Christian Bale, go look at it. I guess. I’m there bro. Hi, PJ Meltzer at William H. o. a May. I really liked Michael Keaton, but his portrayal of Batman was not comic accurate. So we got one person saying it looked very much like a comic and one person saying it’s not comic accurate at all. And I didn’t read a lot of 80s Batman comics, so I don’t have a good response for that.

Nick 1:18:26
I’d be curious how it’s not comic.

Batman 1:18:28
Yeah. I would like to follow up on that if if you’re listening BJ Meltzer.

Unknown Speaker 1:18:33
Let us know. Let us know what you think. We need to know why Keith was not coming back. Please, please, please.

Batman 1:18:45
Kendall Burwell at sexy dude. Oh 219 gives another vote for Michael Keaton. Beer l podcast at beer da l podcast. Okay, so our canon is that Michael Keaton is the best Bruce Wayne hands down but Christian Bale is the best Batman. You’re just so close. They’re just so cool. They’re that Keaton best Bruce Wayne batfleck best Batman

Nick 1:19:11
hands down

Batman 1:19:12
yeah all right. Thank you to everyone who participated again we do polls sometimes when right before we record and give shout outs accordingly. That’s at APA something at alone underscore podcast so let’s get to the worst Batman and finish this thing up.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:27
Let’s do it.

Kalvin 1:19:28
You go first with the worse Batman.

Nick 1:19:29
Adam fucking West that cheeky prick dude is an annoying as shit. And the fact he’s got terrible humor. On top of that he killed people. So he’s a murderer with a bad sense of humor. Oh, I can’t I can’t tolerate that cat. I can’t tolerate that. His costume is wack is fucking psychic is wack. His vehicles are fucking wack.

Unknown Speaker 1:19:53
Well not the worst.

Nick 1:19:55
Is Batmobile is fucking wack.

Kalvin 1:19:57
No Fault

Nick 1:19:58
is bad motorcycle is why His fuck he’s got a sidecar his helicopters wack as fuck. He’s got a boat. Excuse me

Unknown Speaker 1:20:05
have a bad wife was fuck.

Batman 1:20:08
I feel like you’ve watched the entire Batman 66 in YouTube clips and you just don’t know it like you’ve seen everything.

Nick 1:20:15

Batman 1:20:17
I went with Suicide Squad. Batman because I love batfleck but he exists in this movie. And where the hell is he the whole time? Why isn’t he helping? he captures dead shot by letting him almost kill his daughter. And then he just fucks off for the rest of the week. Come on. batfleck

Nick 1:20:36
Well, it’s they just put them in that to try to salvage that fucking movie.

Batman 1:20:40
Yeah, that’s a rough one, too. I’m not gonna mention to Batman and Robin. I think Clooney is an underrated Bruce Wayne, because he has the suaveness that Kilmer just did not get to. I think George Clooney is really good at rich and charming. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 1:20:57
but he’s a dad. Yeah,

Nick 1:20:58
he’s a fuckin asshole.

Kalvin 1:20:59
Favorite is, is when they’re arguing over Poison Ivy, and like Robins Alcala, she loves me. She loves this blah, blah, blah. And he’s like, she’s trying to kill you, Dick. And it works on so many levels, because his name’s dick. And he’s being a dick. So it’s just like she’s trying to kill you, Dick. And I think only Clooney can pull that off. That Keaton could have pulled it off.

Nick 1:21:17
I can hear it in my head right now

Batman 1:21:19
as he says it’s so great. He’s a rough Batman though his one liners are very terrible. He talks a lot for Batman. Like he talks so much in that movie. Most Batman they don’t like when they’re Batman. They don’t talk that much. Well, he

Nick 1:21:33
reminds me of a billionaire playing a superhero.

Batman 1:21:36
Yeah, that’s why he’s good at being Bruce Wayne. Yeah, no, I don’t think he has a good draw either or overall physique to be intimidating as Batman. Like Kilmer is at least a tall dude. And like he’s, you know, he’s got the jackpot from Top Gun. Michael please.

Nick 1:21:52
Like he’s life kind of, you know, as long and lean. He’s that’s how Batman is supposed to be.

Batman 1:21:57
Michael Keaton was I guess he never really jacked but I don’t know that. That version of Batman didn’t need that. I don’t know.

Nick 1:22:04
No, it didn’t. And that was something that I grappled with because he’s not intimidating at all dudes like five eight.

Batman 1:22:11
I The other thing about Clooney is you can tell he’s really pretty under the mask. And that’s not gonna strike fear in anyone. Like you just know George Clooney is pretty

Nick 1:22:22
tough. Yeah. Michael Keaton is five foot nine. Yeah, I saw that dude. sneaking up on me. I’m like the fuck out of here. They did cuz I’m five foot nine.

Batman 1:22:29
They did a really weird thing in Batman Forever. Where they had all these like up angled shots at Kilmer, which I thought was because he must be really short so they’re shooting him you know front the cameras below him looking up at him to make him look taller, but I looked it up. He’s like six feet. So it was really weird. The Batman Forever is a strange movie. Which brings us to the worst Bruce Wayne Who’s your worst Bruce Wayne?

Nick 1:22:55
My worst Bruce Wayne is I chose fuckin I kind of respect here because I’m a piece of shit.

Batman 1:23:03
Well, that sub categories don’t count against the No. Reduce.

Nick 1:23:08
That’s fair. Then Ben Affleck’s Bruce Wayne fucking hated him. I felt like he had he had no swagger. He just didn’t feel like a genuine Bruce Wayne to me. I don’t

Batman 1:23:19
I could no longer on it. Even though the Barry Allen what’s your superpower was like I’m rich like that’s.

Unknown Speaker 1:23:26
That’s not really Bruce Wayne.

Unknown Speaker 1:23:28
He’s just an idiot. He strikes

Kalvin 1:23:30
me as a dumb he feels like a dumb jock Batman.

Nick 1:23:34
Right? It’s only like when he is in the suit is he’s actually his brows rough

Kalvin 1:23:39

Nick 1:23:42
what his voice is just the voice altering technology. They’re not a fan. Stupid.

Batman 1:23:46
I want Batman Forever. I just like Val Kilmer doesn’t pull off the charming or brooding Well, at all.

Nick 1:23:54
No glasses don’t

Batman 1:23:55
help either. You need it. You need to at least be charming or brooding. You really need both like Michael Keaton pulled off like bail does from time to time. batfleck has a little bit of it. Kilmer has none. He just doesn’t. He’s

Nick 1:24:10

Batman 1:24:11
He’s paper and he’s got the pickup line against to try and get chase meridian to go to the circus with him. And it’s one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen when he we’ve got to get you out of those clothes and into a black dress. Tell me Doc,

Unknown Speaker 1:24:25
do you like the circus?

Batman 1:24:27
weirdest fucking thing is very weird. So they’ll have a riddle for you. The other quick shout out I wanted to give was in the worst Bruce Wayne category is in the Adam West movie. The the intro scene where they’re first appearing on screen there’s a narrator and just to sum all the components of it up when introducing Bruce Wayne the narrator’s like millionaire Bruce Wayne on his way home today, and he puts so much pizzazz behind millionaire and it just it means so little right now. Like you can’t be Batman in 2021 as always, Only a millionaire.

Nick 1:25:01
You gotta be so just like

Batman 1:25:03
how excited the narrator was that millionaire Bruce Wayne was on his way home was was very funny to me. Alright, so now we’re into the final stage here with what would you do stage? And we’re gonna start by talking about Batman and his no killing rule because that’s been established historically as a no killing rule. But also historically it’s complete bullshit.

Nick 1:25:29
Yeah, he kills a shitload of people.

Batman 1:25:31
Yeah, I’ve done that with Adam West kills people. I thought that he killed at least one person needs bat movie except Suicide Squad because he’s only there for 30 seconds on count. But I there’s one movie where he kills no one. And I’m gonna go through all of them. So we can find we’re gonna we’re gonna determine the highest body count any or the body count of each movie, the full body count what Batman’s responsible for. So which we want to see which one’s the highest, which one’s the lowest and which one has the highest percentage of, of the total body count. So what is he most responsible for? In each,

Nick 1:26:03
I would let you hand all these. I’ll let you handle all these now.

Batman 1:26:06
Yeah, I went deeper here. So we want to know which movie doesn’t kill the most people or is at least responsible for the decimos people. And I want to give a shout out to movie body counts, calm and the Batman fandom page and the rest of Google searching Batman kills movie title. It’s a little messy, because there’s different sources in the way that different sources calculated the kills or counter to kill there were contradictions here and there. But I just kind of took the one that sounded most right. And so I have to start at nine because movie body count calm didn’t have entries for the serial films or Batman 66 I don’t think he killed anyone in the 49 serial. He may have been responsible for a death or two though.

Nick 1:26:51
And killed so he killed someone in 60. So he did

Batman 1:26:53
Who? Yeah, he killed a couple of robbers. Okay. Yeah, like the random henchmen and stuff. Okay. So but we’re gonna skip that we’re gonna go straight to Batman 89 total body count in Batman 89 was 56. Batman was responsible for eight of those. Batman Returns his total body count of 18. And he’s responsible for only two. So good job better.

Nick 1:27:14
Yeah, better.

Batman 1:27:15
Batman Forever has a total body count of 16 and his responsible for seven of those. So that is the highest percentage of the total kills with 47% of the total kills of the movie Batman is responsible for good job Batman for a son of a bitch Batman and Robin, the total body count is 15 with a Batman body count of zero. He kills no one in Batman and Robin. Good job.

Nick 1:27:40
Thank God,

Batman 1:27:42
Batman Begins he has a total body or there’s a total body count of 18. And he has a body count of four. Which I think you could you could probably give a little bit more because all those dudes in the league of shadows in the

Nick 1:27:54
Yeah, that’s I mean, he killed like a whole compound if people

Batman 1:27:58
guess they don’t. Whatever side I got this from didn’t give those still

Nick 1:28:03
don’t count ninjas, huh?

Batman 1:28:04
Yeah. So the Dark Knight, there’s a total body count of 36. And he’s responsible for six. And that’s where we really go heavy handed on his one rule because he’s going against the Joker doesn’t have rules blah, blah, blah. And he still kills manages to kill six people. The Dark Knight Rises has a total body count of 14 and Batman is responsible for only one of those. Good job Batman.

Unknown Speaker 1:28:28
I’m Batman.

Batman 1:28:29
I’m Batman.

Unknown Speaker 1:28:29
I kill it. That wasn’t my fault. They should have instead they know. tumblers coming through. You get the fuck out of the way. You’re gonna keep got

Kalvin 1:28:39
Batman v Superman, there’s a total body count of over 200.

Batman 1:28:43

the site said 200 to 1000. So I don’t know what over 200. Batman is responsible for? 43 Yeah, that’s the highest by far. At Justice League. There’s a total body count of over 130 and they’re given Batman 27 of those which I gotta say those must be parademons because I don’t know that he killed anyone.

Nick 1:29:08
Not that I recall. No.

Batman 1:29:10
So Alright, just to finish up. Let’s talk about the Snyder cut. Because it’s coming soon comes out next month. March 18, I believe is the date. Are you excited for the Snyder cut?

Nick 1:29:21
Fuck yeah, really? I’m ready to see Jared Leno’s Joker I’m ready see black suits Superman I’m ready for any redemption style qualities This movie has over the Justice League theatrical cut that I sat through

Kalvin 1:29:37
an extended cut.

Nick 1:29:39
No, I’m not I’m never saying I wouldn’t do it. I just haven’t done it. I’m not I haven’t gone out of my way to rent that to watch it.

Batman 1:29:45
I gotcha. I haven’t really been excited for it. I’ve seen the Joker images The other day I saw the black suit Superman. I usually don’t like consuming like ancillary media leading up to a movie because I like to go in fresh but I think This needs all that you need all this, like, Look, we are making changes that are legitimate and could change things. So I, as I see more I’m getting more excited for I still don’t know that I would say I’m excited. Do you think it’s necessary, though?

Nick 1:30:15
Yes. If they want to salvage us in any way, shape or form, especially after the bombing of Wonder Woman two, I think this is this is absolutely necessary, because Zack Snyder, honestly is the best thing that’s ever happened to DC movies, which is not I

Batman 1:30:34
wouldn’t let him spin. If they wouldn’t want to hire Zack Snyder, you gotta just let him do what he does. Let him do it. It. It’s not going to please everyone, which is fine. But he has a very specific style and a very specific way of telling his story, that when you meddle with it, it fucks everything up and we’ve seen it

Nick 1:30:54
every time we just don’t make sense. Yeah.

Batman 1:30:57
And so I think if when you went into, okay, we’re given Zack Snyder this and he made a good movie and Man of Steel, and it didn’t match his normal visual style, and storytelling techniques. Like it looked different than watchmen. It looked different than 300 it looked different than Sucker Punch anything else

he’s done?

Nick 1:31:12
Well didn’t have a single slow motion. So you know,

Kalvin 1:31:15
I don’t know. That’s true.

Nick 1:31:17
I’m almost positive, but it was

Batman 1:31:20
really good. And people got mad because Superman broke somebody’s neck and oh, it’s too dark. And oh, people died and all these buildings. It’s like, no, you’re just looking to complain, because you want to complain. It’s a really good movie. And I’d be like, Superman. I hate Superman.

Nick 1:31:32
He sucks. He does. But if you want if you want something that’s lighter, go watch Superman Returns. It’s a three hour drag there

Batman 1:31:41
is no go watch terrible. Richard Donner Superman from 1978. Great film that I think that’s the quintessential Superman. It gets the whole, you know, hope, Justice the American way. All that stuff wrapped up into it. I mean, it looks like it’s from 1978. But I think it gets the ideals behind Superman a little bit better than Man of Steel does. But that’s okay. Do you know how many different versions of Superman there are that you can pull from? That’s why I don’t like well, it’s not really, you know, it doesn’t really go along with the cause. Like, there’s a

Unknown Speaker 1:32:11
million different versions of what

Batman 1:32:12
version of the comics are you looking at that this doesn’t match? Because I bet that matches I bet different parts of this movie match different parts of comics. And that’s what good people do is they build a story using the existing parts. That makes sense. None of the Raimi spider man’s match the comics?

Unknown Speaker 1:32:28
Who gives a shit? They’re great movies.

Nick 1:32:32
There’s, there’s I mean, you’re you’re 100% correct. There’s aspects. It’s blended very, you know very well. It’s something that you’re never gonna get. We’re not in the 1940s 50s 60s anymore. If

Batman 1:32:44
you want a very comic, a pitch for pitch comic representation. Go watch the 1949 cereal.

Nick 1:32:51
Yeah, and it’s trash.

Kalvin 1:32:53
The 1949 was good man. Used to wait.

Nick 1:32:57
I was thinking 43 and 43.

Kalvin 1:33:01
Wait till you figure out who the wizard is.

Nick 1:33:03
I’m fixing to

Batman 1:33:06
I don’t think it’s necessary. I think you can only Polish a turd so much. But at the end of the day, it’s still gonna be a turd. And I don’t think there’s any saving this turd that is the Justice League movie, or the Justice League pile of trash extended universe that they’ve set up. I think there’s gonna be a lot of bad wigs and makeup and even more CGI facial hair from like all these reshoots that they have to do. I think it’s gonna look even weirder and more disjointed than Justice League already did. And it’s going to be four hours. So it’s gonna be a full hour weird Frankenstein’s movie

Nick 1:33:38
All right, I mean, I could

Batman 1:33:40
see after rewatching the the Batman for Superman Extended Cut and seeing how much sense when I was actually locked in on it. It made

I could be wrong.

I just I don’t think it’s gonna be great. You know, Batman vs. Superman again, cut is still not great, but I think Snyder made it watchable with what he did with the Extended Cut and maybe he can make Justice League watchable at four hours. It’s gonna be really hard.

Nick 1:34:04
Well, it’ll be a series it’s gonna be pretty sure it’s two.

Batman 1:34:09
Or I think they’re putting it as one four hour thing especially because it’s on HBO max. think they’re

Nick 1:34:15
splitting up but Anyway, I digress. We’ll just have to wait and

Batman 1:34:18
I just don’t think you should have to make two versions of all of your extended universe movies in order to make the universe make sense. That’s my view if you fuck it up the first time I agree but they’ve already fucked it up like it’s fucked move on.

Unknown Speaker 1:34:31
What are you gonna move on to brings me to some bread and butter do

Kalvin 1:34:33
you care?

Nick 1:34:36
I do as evidenced by my art getting. I just I really want to see Zack Snyder succeed because I think there’s it’s not high art or anything like that. But his movies are enjoyable. Oh, yeah.

Batman 1:34:49
I enjoy watching well watch mental reform, right but not like it’s just long and sloggy.

Nick 1:34:57
It’s long and it’s dry parts because It’s I mean, I’m not like a

Batman 1:35:01
data watchman fan. I don’t know anything about the watchmen other than what I saw in the movie so

Nick 1:35:06
well, I had to read it in college. He was actually assigned in my creative writing course. This motherfucker tried to get get us to pay $75 for the watchman graphic novel through the College Bookstore to get rights on fucking idiot. I got this shit in paperback that’s been chewed on my mouse, so fuck you. Beer. Anyway, I digress. I enjoy Zack Snyder’s movies. I am going to enjoy this. Unless it’s just fucking horrible, which I don’t think he could. I think there’s only one way to go from what it was like. That was just a horrible movie. Yeah, I said,

Batman 1:35:43
I barely care if it’s good. Great. We get a good Justice League movie. And we all still mostly move on because like we’ve already said the Extended Universe is a dumpster fire and I think it needs a complete overhaul. Especially after Wonder Woman 84 was so bad. Like Wonder Woman was the saving grace and Shazam was good too. And Aquaman was good too. But like Wonder Woman 84 was terrible.

Nick 1:36:04
So if she was okay, and Aquaman was okay, or watchable.

Batman 1:36:08
Okay. That’s that’s a good thing and say for what Justice League is right now. In a month that you know, it may be different but after Wonder Woman 84 like Delgado was supposed to be the saving grace of this. She was supposed to be the front runner because bat flex mostly out Henry carville’s, like half in half. I

was like, yeah,

we’re gonna make a good movie. Maybe I’ll show up. But like gal Godot was all in on Wonder Woman. They can keep making Wonder Woman movies with her. But I just don’t think this extended universe should exist. I think they need to wash their hands. Yeah. And I think if this movie is bad, then we’re at the same place we already are. Except now we have two bad versions of a bad movie instead of one. Which great way to waste a bunch of money and everybody’s time. I just I don’t. The reason I don’t care is because I don’t know what the payoff is. If it’s good. Do you really think you’re gonna salvage this extended universe? Maybe maybe Jim Gunn? Yeah. It’s a possibility. Maybe James Gunn Suicide Squad is good. And you bring that back in. Maybe the Flash movie that may or may not happen is good. But Ray Fisher is mostly out of Cyborg. Like he’s got all kinds of shit going on with DC and Jeff Johnson. Like, I don’t see him returning other than the Justice League, the Snider cut. So you’re losing all of your people. And we don’t know that any of your movies are going to actually ever be good.

Nick 1:37:29
Guess we’ll just have to wait and button. Are

Batman 1:37:30
you going to watch it?

Nick 1:37:32
I think I answered that. Of course. You’re damn right.

Batman 1:37:35
I’m here for almost every big brand superhero movie except dark Phoenix, fuck dark Phoenix.

Nick 1:37:41
I haven’t even seen what I heard. It’s the worst,

Batman 1:37:44
though. Watch this for our movie comfortably in my home in less than a month. Like, let’s fucking go. Let’s get it. I’m ready to watch it. I don’t know that I’m excited. But I’m like, I’m gonna be there the first. I’m not excited.

Unknown Speaker 1:38:00
You’re excited. Uh,

Batman 1:38:02
I just have no faith that the Snider cut is gonna fix the Justice League. There’s no way like, sorry, the Extended Universe like I just I don’t think it can happen.

Nick 1:38:14
I mean, I’ve I’ve given my poll. Yeah, I think we just have to wait. Like I

Batman 1:38:17
agree. There’s a lot of cool stuff that has been set up in these movies that we’re never going to get to see play out because I just I don’t think that this four hour movie can save it. There’s always just been too many cooks in the kitchen and they kept making changes at the drop of a hat because fans get mad about 10 seconds of footage they see in a teaser trailer or leaked footage really fucking new stop listening to fans, their stupid bowing to fan reaction has worked one time ever, and that was with Sonics goofy ass. The only time and like the fact that they couldn’t

Unknown Speaker 1:38:49
get it worked one time every other

Batman 1:38:51
time. It’s made a bigger mess. The whole DC movie verse we’ve seen it every time they’ve tried to make changes. We saw it with Suicide Squad, Batman vs. Superman, Justice League, even some bits of Shazam and Aquaman. They tried to make these changes to make fans happy and they just are stupid. Same thing with Star Wars. The rise of Skywalker is completely terrible based on trying to to bridge the gap of what fans think they want and what they actually want and trying to make fans happy but also not trying to piss off fans. But also pissing off people who actually liked the movie. It was the Star Wars with the dumbest situation and the way the rise of Skywalker turned out is all because people were stupid and trying to listen to 1000 voices that didn’t matter.

Nick 1:39:36
I’m not gonna get too far into Star Wars, but it’s pretty much boiled down in the movie industry. How can we make billions of dollars like Marvel it’s boiled down to fuck art fart fuck making anything fun. It’s for the Marvel Star

Unknown Speaker 1:39:48
Wars was doing that they

Batman 1:39:50
didn’t have to change anything. The rise of Skywalker sucked because they tried to make something like they tried to piece together all this disparate things that fanboys wanted

Unknown Speaker 1:39:59
and like

Batman 1:40:00
It doesn’t matter because there’s more examples out there that that fans get mad and studios try and change things, but they’re going to get mad at something, whatever comes up whatever the finished product is these quote unquote fanboys they’re going to get mad. It doesn’t matter. It’s what they do they live to hate things. You could make a perfect movie with every beat hit exactly what they say they want. And they would still find a way to complain because their lives are meaningless. And that’s all they want to do.

Nick 1:40:31
Yeah, they’re pretty sad creatures.

Batman 1:40:32
Just make a cohesive story, make a good movie, and let people who can enjoy things, enjoy them and fuck up the 1000 people with the loudest voices going,

leaving like it’s a girl with a lightsaber. She can’t have that.

Kalvin 1:40:47
Fuck those people are stupid.

Nick 1:40:49
I’m in agreement and honestly that they’re not the people that drive the fandom. It’s it’s people to walk away from it like shit. I enjoyed that. And then they pass that on. Yeah, like the reason I got into Star Wars and stuff of that nature like Conan and stuff is because my dad enjoyed that shit, right? He was younger, and pass that on to me so that’s why I was excited to see it as a grown man now and it turned into a shit show because I got so sick and tired of your fucking stupid fat assholes. Talk about how it ruins their life and yada yada so that’s it this is gonna piss me off

Batman 1:41:22
I know that that’s where like I don’t get it is like you said they don’t actually speak for people who actually like the things they speak for themselves and they’re loud about it. And I don’t understand what they think is really going to change and and and that’s the problem is is they don’t like you said they don’t speak for the fan. No, but studios are now listening to that. Like they’re making the Snider cut because fanboys are being stupid. Like, it’s fine that just like, I want a good Justice League movie, but it’s fine that it sucked. It’s fine that movies are bad. When Batman and Robin was bad. They didn’t just remake it and make it good. There’s moved on. Like fine if a movie is bad move on. cut ties. You made a shitty movie. It’s your fault. Do something better next time.

Nick 1:42:10
Why are we remake 15 shitty movies so they’re they’re at the end of the rope. Right? They kind of have that this is this is all they got. And I never

Batman 1:42:17
understood the Snyder cut fanboys because like I What do they think is really going to change anything? What can Snyder do to make this good at this point, or even make the universe salvageable? its debt? won’t rain for his last job? We’ve said it. It wasn’t good. Snyder wasn’t involved at all. And it still sucked. Like and and the studio meddling. None of that was there. Like Patty Jenkins went and made her movie she made the movie she wanted. It sucked. But there’s nothing salvageable about the DC Universe. It’s dead. Blow it up. Let battens and spin. It’s bad I’m

Nick 1:42:54
ready for it. I’m not let’s do I gotta cut you off there. I’m not gonna talk about it. But I’m fucking ready for it. Yeah, so Okay, you’ve brought me over to your side.

Batman 1:43:03

I will still watch the Justice like Extended Cut. It will probably be better than Justice Lee. It’s not a salvageable universe. Let’s get to Robert Pattinson.

Unknown Speaker 1:43:15
Yeah, I’m like that. He’s a great guy.

Nick 1:43:18
He’s fucking dope. He’s art.

Batman 1:43:21

Unknown Speaker 1:43:24
All right. So that’s the end of our episode. Thank you everyone for listening. This is Batman signing off for Calvin and Nick. Make sure you follow those guys on Twitter. That’s at APA something and at load underscore podcast. Also check out those cats really great brand they provide all the music here and there’s a newsletter that there’s a link to in the comments hit that merge sweet merge know Batman merge, but you know still pretty cool stuff. I prefer bat merge. But you know, these guys don’t have the licensing costs a lot of money. So thanks for listening. And you guys

Kalvin 1:44:02
stay classy.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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